photo by Sheri Dixon

Monday, August 19, 2013

My Birthday Wishes

So I'm 'Edna sitting' while Joe is in Montana.

I love Edna and don't get to spend enough time with her, so I was looking forward to this few weeks when I had her 'all to myself'.

Edna's great.

She's a little fuzzy and a little wobbly but shit, she's just shy of 94 so what the hell?

Sure she's forgetting who her son is (on accounta that CAN'T be her son- that's an old man), and sometimes she thinks her little dog is a small boy who can't talk and who has no fingers but anyone can make mistakes, right?

Last month Edna started complaining about her eyes 'not behaving'. She was having trouble reading because she said her eyes kept jumping around'. So we went to the eye doctor. He checked her eyes and found nothing, so he ordered an MRI.

The MRI they took almost 2 weeks ago showed a large aneurysm that's pushing on her optic nerve, which would make her eye not behave, and also pressing on an artery that feeds blood to her brain, which may be why she's getting more confused rapidly.

How rapidly?

This morning I was going up the ramp to her porch and almost bumped into Edna coming down the ramp. She was dressed and ready to go.

"Where are you going, Edna?"

"Well, I'm going to work of course".

Of course.

The short story is that there are people coming into her house through the TV, bossing her around and then leaving through the walls. Sometimes the ceiling. This is vexing to her because she remembers us going to watch them build her little house and NOWHERE were there hollow panels for people to travel through. True enough.

I asked if she wants to go to work and she said NO.

I told her, she does not have to go to work, ever again, and why. That if those people come back she should tell them to go to hell. Which made her laugh, and she agreed.

She said, however, that she is 'leery' of being alone since they come in at night more than during the day.

So I'll be spending the night with Edna tonight and as long as it takes to ease her heart and poor fuddled mind.

Because no one should be afraid in their own home, no matter the reason.

I called for the THIRD time to see what the status was of the 'stat' appointment they were supposed to be setting with the neurologist...almost 2 weeks ago. I don't know if he can do anything about the aneurysm but we need to know our options. Edna needs to know her options.

While I was stressing and worrying about Edna, I skimmed over Facebook and saw this from one of my friends, writing about her 4 year old son-

"Every night Cash closes his eyes and wishes for a new morning. Then in the morning he yells that his wish came true."

Today is my birthday- my 54th.

I am reasonably healthy, and of a marginally sound mind.

I know my family, and cherish every moment with them- every moment remembered and every moment in the here and now.

I am always (sometimes painfully) aware when I lay my head down on the pillow at night that the day just past is gone forever, and there's one less day for me to live.

Today I remember. I remember all those who love me enough to wish me a happy birthday, and I love all those who love me but who will invariably forget when my birthday is.

Because it shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter.

My only birthday wishes are for security, love and happiness for everyone I love.

For the precious gifts of memory and clarity till my light is quenched and I am no longer.

And for a new morning.


  1. My wish for you is to close your eyes on each day with the knowledge that you are loved and that there are many more mornings to celebrate your wish come true. Happy Birthday sweet friend, all my best to you and the Edna's in the world.