photo by Sheri Dixon

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

Bounties, Babies and Bullsh*t

 Let's look at Texas' newest law on their books of ultimate morality- that flaming pile of turds that is SB8, or our brand shiny new abortion law.

It states that *all* abortions are illegal in Texas after the 6 week mark of pregnancy- no exceptions.

You may think, "Well, a month and a half in, a woman should be sure of if she wants to be a mother or not" but that's some first class moronic thinking. Six weeks pregnant is *two weeks* after a woman's period should have started. Unless you are a guy, you know that sometimes periods are late...sometimes up to two weeks late. Most pregnancy tests don't recommend taking them until "two weeks after your missed period" meaning women actually have a window of about 24 hours to decide what they are going to do, make arrangements, and go do it.

Bitch, I've seen guys waffle for *months* before buying a lawn mower over which brand and options they need. 

And just to be sure that women take this law for serious, Texas has added a literal bounty to the mix. Figuring that expecting the State to enforce this law would lead to immediate and messy court cases, the State of Texas, Home of the Wild West, has now deputized every single citizen and *asked them* to turn in anyone providing services that end in an abortion or even planning to render services that end in abortion. 

There are Texas men on Reddit right now, discussing how they can *on purpose* impregnate a woman just to collect that sweet sweet bounty cash.

To be clear, that bounty is not just for the doctors who do the abortion, but the person who gives that woman a ride to the clinic, the person who lends her money for the abortion (because contrary to conservative belief, abortion is NOT paid for with our tax dollars), even anyone she confides in who doesn't immediately lock her in a tower guarded by a dragon for the next 9 months. 

What's that bounty?


People who claim to be "pro-life" think that's a pretty reasonable price to save a tiny baby.


They don't give one good goddamn about tiny babies. 

Know why I know that?

Because there is not one thing in this law that holds the *men* accountable. Not one thing. News flash: women don't magically get pregnant all by themselves. 

Forget the heinous goddamn restrictions on a medical decision that belongs to the woman, her doctor, her god if she has one and her *long-term* partner if she has one.

Forget the fucking bounty. I thought we were supposed to be this great financial conservative genius of a state. Know how to prevent abortion?

Hold the *men* accountable. If you get a woman pregnant, *no matter what she decides to do*, you pay the amount it would take for her to be pregnant and give birth.

The *choice* is still hers, as it should be.

If the choice is to end the pregnancy for personal reasons, that's her decision, and the money goes to help her and other women with school, training, food, shelter, life through social programs normally paid for only by us taxpayers. If you didn't want to foot this bill, you should've thought about it and kept your pecker in your pants, mister.

If the choice is to give birth (and many times it's a financial decision whether or not to, because we live in a country that doesn't provide maternal leave or universal health care or all that mushy stuff), all expenses are paid for *and* the man gets to pay child support. If she wants you to be part of that child's life, that's up to her. 

To give you an idea of how much this is going to cost you, here you go-

$3,000 prenatal care

$500 for maternity clothes

$17,000 for a hospital birth

$3,000 assorted baby sundries

$7,500 for lost wages on the part of the woman

$31,000 total. Let's be charitable and call it an even 30 grand. Up front and payable in full on that magical 6 week date. Then, of course, there's the 18 years of child support to look forward to.

What's that?

That's an outrageous price to pay for a few minutes pleasure? That sort of thing would ruin your life forever? 


And here you were, ready to knock up chicks for $10,000 a pop...and ruining their lives forever by leaving them on the hook for all the above expenses, plus the lifetime disparity in income they are guaranteed. 


Monday, August 16, 2021

Sure, You Can Catch More Flies With Honey Than Vinegar, But Why Would I Want A Bowl Of Flies?

Hey, remember "Stay home for two weeks to flatten the curve"?

That was over FIVE. HUNDRED. DAYS. AGO.

And some of us did. Some of us stayed home, and if we went out, we wore a mask and stayed over 6 ft away from other people.

We didn't go out to eat, didn't grocery shop, didn't go to school or in some cases work, canceled plans...because it was a dangerous pandemic and it would be worth it to save lives.

But some of us didn't. Some of us hollered and squealed like stuck pigs and armed up and marched against the "infringement of our freedoms!" They carried big signs saying, "Your fear is not my problem" and told the rest of us if we wanted to be Big Government's Little Sheeple we could do all that mess, but they were proud American citizens and would have none of that falderol. 

The falderol that could save lives. 

We were told not to be mad at them because their flaunting every scientific study was just a difference of opinion and this is America, where we have to respect that.

Welp, over 30 million Americans have gotten sick with the "pretend so-called virus" and over 600,000 are dead of the "government bullshit hoax to make us all slaves."

Now, remember, some of us *never* quit wearing masks and distancing and doing curbside fucking everything during this 500+ day exercise in pandemic living. 

And some others of us *never* "bought into" listening to science and health care workers so have just gone about their happy ways, going out and doing shit and just rolling the dead bodies out of the way because, you know, FREEDOM.

When a vaccine became available, it seemed like we were looking at the light at the end of the tunnel. But it was just a train full of un-masked non-distancing patriots screaming about being injected with 5G tracking devices that would turn us all into magnetic zombies. So, yeah. Only about half of America is fully vaccinated.

But, in spite of the toddler-tantrum-on-the-floor-of-Walmart response of a full third of America, by June (2021, not 2020 L. O. L.) it looked like we might have been rounding the turn on this pandemic in the US.

What do viruses love? Stupid people who are not vaccinated. Because that's how viruses spread...and mutate. A purposely unvaccinated population during a pandemic is not called a "brave patriotic army of rugged individualists". It's called "the control group". 

So now we have the Delta variant and the number of people hospitalized with it is *higher* than at the highest point of the pandemic last winter. I know more people who have lost a relative or friend in the last *three weeks* than in the entire rest of the pandemic. 

And this time it's coming for the children. 

Wow. That's horrifying. Guess schools are not going to open in (looks at calendar) zero days. Oh, no. Schools are absolutely opening. At least they will be requiring staff and students to mask, right? Of course- the governors of Red states like mine were super-quick to (reads notes) MAKE MASK MANDATES ILLEGAL. 

We currently have more people in the hospital now than we did at the height of the earlier parts of the pandemic. Children's hospitals have zero ICU beds. ICU. Babies and children and teenagers fighting to breathe because their dumbass parents refused to take steps to protect them. 

Nothing will close. No mask mandates will be enforced. Because we are "tired of the pandemic". 

Fucking hell.

So. Here's where we are at. 

We are tits deep in the Delta variant of the Covid virus and a good third of Americans are still fighting for their "freedom" to I dunno...die? Watch their kids die? Get sick and be hospitalized? Get sick and live with *permanent* health issues from it? 

And we are here 100% because of the above people being insufferable dangerous morons having different opinions than we do. 100%. This could have been *over* at least six months ago if we didn't have a third of America who literally don't care if other people die and won't do the smallest thing to protect other people. It's their fault. 100%.

I saw a long wordy rant (worse than this one) about how it was "just for a few weeks" and then "just a few things closing" and then "everything closing" etc. etc. etc. and the hilarious obtuseness of it was mind-boggling that the author can't see that IT WAS THEIR DAMN FAULT IT KEPT SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL. Theirs. They and their little stupid friends have killed over 600,000 Americans including their own parents, grandparents, siblings, children. 

I'm done. 

I'm done being polite to idiots who are A-OK spreading disease in the name of freedom. 

I'm out of patience with people who urge us to "try to find common ground" and "we won't ever get them to see our side by being mean". 

Bitch, they won't ever see "our side", which by the way, isn't a difference of opinion between them and us. They. Are. Wrong. They. Are. Willfully. Ignorant. They. Are. Killing. People.

We are over 500 days into this, and those of us who have spent it doing the right things *and* worrying about their stupid asses are done.

They have the "right to their opinion" and their "feelings need to be considered and respected"?

*We* have the right to be pissed as hell at them. Don't let anyone tell you different. 

I have spent over 500 days now trying to be sure people I love and care about don't die during a global pandemic. I'm not alone. We are exhausted. 

We are exhausted and pissed and *that*, my friend, is valid AF. 


Sunday, July 11, 2021

Death of a Car Wash

 I've been using the same car wash for about 20 years. 

It's old and shabby and looks like the brushes may be made of needles and the soap may be acid, and I honestly can't even tell you the name of the place because those painted letters on the front of the building curled up and died at least ten years ago but ya'll, when you first drive up there are 2 guys who do the pre-entry scrubbing of bugs off the front bumper and backs of the side mirrors and inside the tire wells. There's a tip bucket hanging at the front of the line with a rock at the bottom to keep the bills from flying out. The vacuums only work part of the time, but it's close to work and the same guys have been working there the entire time I've been using it.

I wash my car once a week so they know me. Like. They know me.

They razz me because I can't reach the tip bucket and make T-rex arm motions when they come to take my $2.00 and they thank me for the tip.

They comment when I get a new car and say how much they like it.

They compliment me on every hair color change.

They give me shit when there's mud all on the car and I apologize for living in the country.

At Christmas I tip them $20 and every few months they tell me they upgraded my wash to Premium because I'm one of their favorite customers.

At the beginning of the pandemic, they told me to be careful and I told them the same.

When my Jack Ball came off of my antenna in the car wash, the Jack Ball that had traveled over 10,000 miles bravely grinning into the wind until its smile wore off, they turned off the machines and walked the wash and found him.

A few times a year, the car wash closes down because shit breaks and they wait for a part, so I didn't worry too much when it shut down a few weeks ago.

But it's not open yet and there are construction vehicles there tearing out the vacuum stalls. When the big door is open, you can see all the brushes on the floor like a gigantic pile of dead daddy long leggers swept into the corner of the porch. 

It's become clear that my car wash is defunct.

Now, there's a new car wash about five minutes up the road from the old one. It's a super-fancy see thru tunnel and I hate it. 

But I promised Bitsy (the car) (shut up) that I would wash her every week, since she used to live in Plano and now lives in the forest like a barbarian, so it's really the least I can do. 

The new car wash has a mobile app and a monthly subscription and any of their locations will computer-recognize your license plate and just open the gates even if you wash your car every five minutes for a monthly fee of $36. I was spending $12 plus a $2 cash tip every week at the old car wash so...yay?

I downloaded the app and yesterday, I drove up to the gate of the new car wash. It magically opened and I drove in. There are no guys with brushes, no tip bucket with a rock in the bottom to keep the bills from flying out, just a sign with the written instructions that are in every car wash: Drive onto track. Put car into neutral. Sit back and relax.

So, I did that. Drove onto the track and put the car into neutral. I was just starting to relax when I heard yelling next to the car and turned to see an angry man hollering, "DO YOU HAVE IT IN NEUTRAL???" I pointed at my gear shift clearly in neutral and he grunted and slapped blue tape over my back windshield wiper.

Why no, grumpy man. I'm in a hurry, so I thought I'd just run thru the car wash doing about 80.


There's a man who would *never* have retrieved a road-worn Jack Ball.

And there are still bugs on the front bumper and backs of the side mirrors.

Thursday, May 20, 2021

Texas Leads the Way in Moral Cruelty Yet Again

 Wow. Since October, huh? 

Guess there wasn't anything to talk about between then and now.

Other than that election thing.

And that pandemic thing.

And that insurrection thing.

Just to catch us up a bit, I'm glad Biden won. He wasn't my first or even fifth choice (he was my last choice just above that batshit insane Marianne chick), but he's a million times better than our little fascist-wannabe-dictator, and I can say that truly now, after the little fascist-wannabe-dictator held his little fascist-wannabe-dictator insurrection. 

I hope he dies soon (DJT, not Biden).

I hope every deluded asshole who stormed the capitol gets thrown in jail and gets a big ol' gun' takin' felony attached to them FOREVER.

I'm glad Biden took this pandemic seriously and we might even be getting out of it, in spite of the idiots who still think it's a made up thing and vaccinations are a libtard plot. 

But right now, lemme talk about abortion, because today, our governor, who treasures life *so much* that he let over 100 Texans die during an ice storm and over 50 THOUSAND Texans die of Covid, who makes sure poor kids don't get food or health care and that schools are kept barely functioning, signed a bill to protect life.

Ain't that some shit.

In Texas, you can now, as a civilian, file a lawsuit against anyone you suspect of having had an abortion or anyone you suspect has performed one. And an illegal abortion is anything after 6 weeks gestation, so basically...all of 'em.

People always wonder that I'm "pro-abortion". Because I love babies and kids and OH  MY GAWD THEY ARE KILLING BABIES HOW CAN YOU BE FOR THAT?

Know how many pregnancies get terminated by Mother Nature? One third. One third of all pregnancies get flushed out- most before the 6 week mark and for sure before the 12 week mark, just because shit's wrong with the fetus and it won't be a human for whatever reason. One. Third. 

Despite all the grisly videos you can find about "the horrors of abortion", women have been terminating pregnancies since they figured out how it worked. More importantly, MEN have been *insisting* on terminating pregnancies since they figured out how it worked. People have been making these decisions for thousands of years and yanno what the holy books say about it?

Nothing. Jack shit. In fact, the Bible says a fetus becomes a person when it takes its first breath. That ain't at 6 weeks gestation. 

Also, no one NO ONE goes 8 months being pregnant and wakes up one day and says, "Yanno what? Nah. I'ma kill it" and drives to the abortion clinic. NO ONE.

Also, the *less than 2% of abortions* done that are "late term" are done because the baby is dead or the mother will die if it proceeds. Because that's not the worst nightmare a woman can have. Fun story. When I first moved to Texas, I worked with a woman who told me that her first pregnancy was a baby who died at 8.5 months gestation. And her doctor would not do a c section to remove the dead baby because it was "God's will she should carry to term if He wanted her to" so she walked around with her DEAD BABY INSIDE HER for a few weeks. That right there is a god I have zero use for.

Oh, sure. Some will be fucking magnanimous about it and say, "Except in the case of rape or incest" but will qualify that if the rapist is her husband it doesn't count or in states that allow you to marry your cousin at the age of 14 it doesn't count or anytime it makes a man look doesn't count. 

What if her husband/boyfriend insists on unprotected sex but doesn't want a baby? What if they already have 3 kids and birth control failed and they cannot afford another one? What if...she just doesn't want a baby BECAUSE ABORTION IS LEGAL AND IT'S NONE OF OUR FUCKING BUSINESS?

Everyone can "Oh, but she can..." all day long with things she could do or should do that will bring this precious bundle of joy into the world but the bottom line is SHE'S NOT YOU. SHUT THE HELL UP. SHE'S DOING HER BEST. 

Would I get an abortion? I don't know. I've been *lucky* enough to have never been in a position where I would feel so cornered, so over my head, so bleak of future, that it would come into play. I'm not a good person. I'm a damn lucky one. That's it.

I do know that this new law will cause many deaths. Because desperate women will turn to do-it-yourself ways to terminate a pregnancy that will kill them. Because men will be so angry that their wife/girlfriend/one night stand "got herself pregnant to trap me" and kill her. But hey. Totally worth it, right? Even if that leaves those women's *other* kids without a mom...because most women who get an abortion *already have other kids*. 

So, go for it, assholes. Stick your goddamn noses into shit you have no idea about and make life a million times worse for a lot of people. Take something that 100% should be between a woman, her god (if she has one), and her doctor, and make it your own little power trip. Force her to have that precious baby so you can then turn around and deny baby *and* mom any help whatsoever and punish them all for their "bad life decisions". 

As long as it's just women who are getting fucked over, it's cool.

Because if men were the ones getting pregnant, I guarandamntee they would sell abortion kits at Home Depot.