photo by Sheri Dixon

Monday, March 18, 2013

False Security

I've had it. I've had it with people getting up and telling us we need to be armed. Women need to be armed because then we won't get hurt or raped. That is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard- and I've heard many times my weight in bullshit over the years.

I understand that sometimes a woman is just walking along, minding her own business, and BANG- out of the bushes or lurking unknown inside her darkened house or car- a man leaps out, a strange man whose only intent is to hurt a woman.

Sometimes that happens.

More often, what happens is a woman is being abused by her intimate partner. Domestic abuse.

A woman is attacked by her date. Date rape.

A woman is assaulted by someone she knows at least a little bit.

What then, assholes?

What happens when you are facing someone you know, someone you trust, someone you love?

Do you shoot?

Or do you hesitate, just for an instant?

Of course you do.

Lemme clear up a little something about rape for those who live under a rock and think it's anything to do with sex.

It's not.

Rape is all about dominance, control, humiliation, rage, hatred and disdain.

I'm not parroting shit I've heard on the "liberal lamestream media".

I'm a survivor of domestic abuse. I've been told on a daily basis that I'm a terrible mother, wife, lover, person.

I've had a gun held to my head by a husband. I've been battered by a husband.

I have never been physically hurt by a stranger- only men I loved. Men I trusted.

I've been raped. By a man in authority, who should've been trustworthy. He was a church deacon and had kids my own age.

Should've been.

But wasn't.

I kept that inside for over 30 years- the pain and humiliation, so sure no one would believe me, that somehow it was MY FAULT. For the next eight years only two others knew.

But I've had it, and it's time to speak out.

Marketing guns to women for protection against rape is heinously deceiving.

Your attacker doesn't want sex as in "Oooh baby, you look so fine". He wants to punish you.

He's pissed and wants to hurt you.

A woman armed, especially if she knows her attacker, WILL hesitate- and give her attacker the means to shoot her instead of (or in addition to) raping her.

A woman armed will present as being defiant- that's one of the main reasons your attacker is angry at women in the first place.

Am I afraid of men? Nope. Am I afraid to go out, be alone, live my life? Nope.

Because I know that sort of behaviour is NOT normal, NOT common, NOT a guarantee.

Because to live in fear means the bastards win.

Why do we continue to place the onus on the victim?

"Don't go out after dark"
"Don't wear 'revealing' clothing"
"Only travel in groups"

"She was drunk"
"She was teasing me"
"She has a reputation"
"I'm the husband and I have needs"


The ONLY thing that will change things is for MEN to be held accountable for their actions.

Hitting a woman is NEVER OK.

Rape is NEVER excusable.

"She made me so angry"
"Boys will be boys"

Telling women to arm themselves is one more blame we can conveniently transfer.

I saw just a snippet of one of the hearings on gun control- a weeping young woman said "If only I had had a gun I could've protected myself".

I'm sorry, dear- but you don't know that. You don't know if you could've pulled the trigger or even gotten your gun out in time.

If you had had a gun it's very likely you wouldn't be here to testify.

Stop blaming the victims.

Stop giving them the false security that simply being armed = not getting hurt.

Just having that magical piece of metal will not do shit to protect a woman who will not be looking a crazed stranger in the face but her husband, boyfriend, neighbor, co-worker, teacher, relative.

Like every other bogeyman gun lobby ALL CAPS PASS ALONG TO ALL CONCERNED ARMED CITIZENS alarm, this is one more reason to GO OUT AND BUY GUNS.

It's fear-induced marketing.

It really has jack shit to do with keeping women safe.

If it WAS about keeping women safe, we wouldn't have this little dynamic going on-

If we spent half the time and money on teaching men NOT TO RAPE AND ABUSE as we do teaching women HOW TO AVOID BEING RAPED AND ABUSED we'd have a better society, a healthier society, a safer society.

But then the gun manufacturers would be very sad.

And our country cannot allow that.

The gun lobby owns a huge amount of politicians and policy makers. They aren't out there "defending YOUR 2nd Amendment rights"- they already OWN the government; they want you to BUY GUNS.

The government doesn't want your guns.

The government wants their owners to be happy.

And that means as many guns flying off the shelves as possible.


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