photo by Sheri Dixon

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Corsage Pins are Just the Right Size for Voodoo Dolls

Flowers, cards, out to eat.

The Mother's Day Trifecta and I love it.

Which is weird because I've got such conflicted feelings about Mother's Day.

My mom and I have had a very strained relationship over the years and it continues to ebb and flow from tentatively OK to "Thank god I live thousands of miles away".

My daughter would most likely describe her relationship with her mother the same way. On a good day.

When my mother and I and my daughter and I go through times that no Hallmark card ever dared ventured near, those living with me now- people here by marriage (Ward) or birth (Alec) or adoption (Joe and Edna) are quick to say, "It's not you- they're being unreasonable".

I believe them because they love me and I love them for believing what they tell me.

But there's all this...stuff that goes on between female relatives. I saw it play out with my mother and HER mother and sister.

There's the whole pregnancy and birth thing,

followed by the "My mom is the Queen of Everything" thing,

followed by the "My mom is such a dork" thing,

followed by the "My mom is such a bitch" thing,

followed by the "My mom is so out of touch" thing,

followed by the "What the hell is wrong with her?" thing

...and that's as far as we've all gotten.

Part of it is that we're all very bullheaded and opinionated.

Part of it is that no matter how close we were when one was tiny and one was Mommy, we're all very very different people with wildly varying beliefs.

Most of it is because we're human, and being human is hard- there's not a human alive who hasn't made some absofuckinglutely horrific decisions and choices- not on purpose, but by just flailing around out there, trying to make the best of whatever crappy situation Life lands you in. Being humans who are intertwined by birth instead of by choice can be damn near intolerable.

Not that those people remind you of your bad decisions and choices (although sometimes they do) but because everything we do affects the others whether we mean it to or not, and it's reflected in their faces, their voices, their actions and reactions, reflected from your heart where it lives and festers and whispers every day to you, "Way to hurt the people you love, ya loser".

I know unflinchingly that we'd put aside all the baggage in a heartbeat when the chips are down and the going gets tough because we've all done it. Repeatedly.

I know we all love each other even if some most of the time it's begrudgingly and dismissively.

So I'll call my mother and we may or may not get into a political argument, and I'll wait for my daughter and older son to call me which they may or may not.

And I'll miss my mother-in-law, who was so very kind and loving and who raised up the world's best husband.

And we'll all go out to eat- Ward, Alec, me, Joe and his mom Edna- who's a hoot and a holler and so very dear to me- I told Joe he doesn't deserve her and I'm stealing her from him. She's MY mom now.

Oh, I coulda written something sappy and heartwarming about Mother's Day, but thought the truth would be better.

Because I suspect there are more of "my" kind of family out there than Hallmark card ones.

Happy Mother's Day. You're welcome.


  1. so often when I come here and read your posts it is as if you have pulled the words out of my heart and found a way to put them down to where they make sense. Stop making sense for gawds sake! Happy Mothers Day....

  2. Jojo- that's weird because I go to your blog for the exact same reason- Happy Mother's Day to you, too my friend!