You're Really NOT the Boss of Them

We home school. Alec has been home schooled his whole life and is doing just fine, thanks.

Is it time-consuming? Yes.

Is it expensive? Fairly.

Is it worth it? Absolutely.

We started for many reasons- we wanted to keep the freedom we were accustomed to to travel when we wanted to and not be hemmed in by the school year calendar, our local school district has a student/teacher ratio of 25/1 in KINDERGARTEN, and frankly the big "NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND" banner in the lobby totally freaked me the hell out- I know it was supposed to be comforting but it hit me as really threatening, but the final decision came when we had to spend a lot of time at MD Anderson and I would've had to choose between leaving Alec here with friends to go to school or Ward in Houston in the hospital and neither one of those options was acceptable to me.

The one reason we are NOT home schooling is to 'ensure our child has a Godly upbringing'.

Which is very very rare in this area of the country. This is the shiny buckle of the bible belt and 99.9% of the home schoolers here are doing so to 'keep their children away from the evils of the secular world'.

That would be MY family.

We also live in Texas, one of the most lax states in the country as far as home school regulations.

When we decided to home school Alec before he entered kindergarten, I contacted the school and asked what I needed to do. They said, "Easy- just don't sign him up for school."

And it's as easy as that. Don't sign them up. There doesn't have to be a record anywhere of where children are being taught, or even, after they are issued a birth certificate, that they even exist at all.

Well, surely there is some standard that must be tested against to be sure they are learning...fucking anything.

Nope.

Wanna teach art class because it's fun but avoid math because it's...math? Knock yourself out.
Wanna teach that Jesus rode dinosaurs back when the earth was first created...less than 5,000 years ago? God bless you.

Honestly, we drive 3 hours one-way every week to be in a home school co-op that believes in freaking evolution. Oh, there's a home school co-op here. A honking huge one that has its own sports league (not just teams), orchestra, everything. But you must sign a statement of Faith to get in. Fuck that shit.

There are Christian home schoolers who are doing a very good job teaching their kids and preparing them for the real future in a real world. They take their self-imposed job as 'teacher' very seriously and work tirelessly to provide their students with the very best educational experiences.

And there are secular home schoolers who are doing so just because they don't wanna get up early enough to take their kids to school and let 'em play video games all day. So this is not merely a rant on the Christians.

This is about possession.

Because it chills me to the very core to read fellow home schoolers' frothing at the mouth at the thought of having to show even the most basic and simple proof of learning on the part of their students.

The argument goes something like this-

"There is NO WAY anyone is going to tell me what to teach MY CHILDREN! Forcing me to adhere to some government-mandated agenda of learning sketchy science and obscene secular literature is a violation of my Rights as a FREE citizen! These are MY CHILDREN and I will raise them and teach them they way *I* want to!"

...and variations of the above.

Except here's the thing.

Your kids are not your property.

Sure you created 'em and grew 'em and you're feeding and housing them and all, but they are NOT your possessions. As anyone who is adamantly 'pro-life' will be quick to tell you, those children are actually 'people'; autonomous beings that have their own little souls and thoughts and rights all their own.

Why the Sam Hell is it wrong for a woman who is carrying 12 cells of tissue to make an informed and usually difficult decision to abort it because "That's a PERSON and not a THING!" but once born into THEIR OWN families, children are possessions to do with whatever floats their holy boat? Deny them access to a full range of education, indoctrinate them into your own belief system, even get out the belt if they (being autonomous beings and all) dare to question your authority?

How can you even deign to limit their options by choosing what YOU think is 'all they'll need to know' about life, or anything? To 'train' boys to grow up to be the 'kings of their homes' and to teach girls only enough to keep a house and family because 'that's what women are made for'- those are both heinously dauntingly passively aggressively abusive.

Seriously?

Our children are not ours.

Our children belong to themselves.

Not some God, not the government, and for damn sure not to you.

It's our JOB as parents, whether or not we home school, to do our level best to insure that our children are exposed to the best the world has to offer, and that's more than a bible as 'the only text book you'll ever need' (on one end of the Bad Parent spectrum) and a stack of video games (on the other end).

Because they will have to live in the world. And the world is a big, scary, dangerous, sinful,glorious place filled with all different kinds of evil-doers and terrorists artists, musicians, thinkers, belief systems, foods, literature, science, nature, history, good gravy...EVERYTHING!

The biggest bonus of home schooling, for our family and the families we know and call friends- is the opportunity to show our children MORE of the world, meet MORE varieties of people- and not just 'more people who are basically just like we are because that's safe and correct' but MORE true diversity.

To learn and figure out for themselves how to be comfortable in their own skins and around people they don't know and in situations that are different from Home, to be eager and willing to learn from and accept without judgment others who are not duplicates of their own families will ensure that our children will be able to travel through life with grace and wonder, respect and compassion.

And to do that with any competence, they MUST have a working knowledge of basic human education- how to speak and write fluently and correctly in their native language, how basic math concepts work and how to use them in every day life as well as abstractly, a foundation of honest history of their own country and the world in general, and SCIENCE. Real science, not 'science as seen through the bible'. Because that's not science, and to teach your children that it is, is willfully setting them up for a life of disadvantage in the real world.

Love those precious angels your god blessed you with? Of course you do.

But they're not yours to keep forever, they're not your possessions.

You're the one who's been tasked to minister to THEM. It's your job to equip them for a life that's better, fuller, MORE than yours.

Put down the damn belt and the bible, and pick up the science book. Go out into the world.

It's pretty awesome out here.

The World May Be Flat, But My Breasts Are Spectacular

I thought to myself "I really need to do some back to back posting to get even close to the 3 times a week average I want to have here, but what the heck do I write about?"

Out of the blue, a Gift from the Universe- something Alec and I watched together, pausing it every few minutes to laugh, cry, pound our heads on the wall or just utter some cuss words in exasperation.

It's pretty long (15 minutes) but if you can stomach the first 5 of them, you've pretty much seen the whole show...sadly. The "spoof" afterwards is worth it, for several reasons, one being that they have ONE woman who says something that's even remotely sensible.

http://boingboing.net/2011/08/26/beauty-pageant-candidates-recite-their-non-threatening-answer-to-should-evolution-be-taught-in-schools.html

(Waiting for everyone's ears to stop bleeding...)

I think it's safe to say I'm fixin' to ruffle a few feathers in the next few paragraphs...

I went to school- public school- between the years of 1965 and 1977- not the computer age but not exactly the stone age either. We learned reading, writing, rithmatic, history and science. We learned to read and write English, do basic math, learn American and world history and how the world works- including how the world and all its inhabitants got here.

We learned evolution.

Most of us went to church too- all sorts of churches- and we all learned faith based creation stories (along with stories about global floods and giant man-eating fishes). We were never, ever, ever told in church that evolution was false.

Ever.

I also remember when the Miss America pageant made an attempt at "proving" it wasn't just Princess Dress Up for fluffy-headed morons and they stressed the academic achievements of the contestants- who were expected to have critical thinking skills, a mastery and ease of speaking in public and...spines.

The contestants gave interviews where they shared which college they'd been accepted to, what they were going to major in, and that pageants were a tool for them- the opportunity to do community service and the scholarship money were the real appeal for them. It all sounded like the girly counterpart to the boys joining the military for 4 years to attend college on the GI Bill- a means to an end they otherwise couldn't afford.

What the hell happened?

Most of the time we were watching all 50 of the contestants Alec was turning it off and backing it up because his mother was screaming at the monitor "YES. THE ANSWER IS YES. BECAUSE IT'S SCIENCE AND IT'S FACT AND IT'S TRUE. IT'S NOT A THEORY, IT'S NOT CULTURAL, IT'S NOT 'ONE OPTION', IT'S HOW THE WORLD HAPPENED YOU STUPID COW" and he was missing the actual answers.

The "spoof" video was an excellent analogy.

(Sarcastic mother pretending to be a beauty contestant)-

"Well, children really need to be told about math, but since math is only theory they need to be able to decide for themselves if it's real or not. I mean (holding up 2 fingers on one hand and 2 fingers on the other hand for visual effect) this COULD mean 2 + 2 = 4, BUT"

(Alec interjects)-

"It could ALSO mean 2 two's, which is 22".

(back to mom)-

"OR (moving the hands together) lookie here- it's a DOUBLE U! See- three whole different theories, one that isn't even a number!"

I know. I get it. The bible as believed by devout fundamental Christians is the Word of God and I can respect that IF there are no picksies/choosies.

That's what I hear from my Christian friends "You just can't pick out the parts you want to believe, you know- the whole thing is the Word of God and must be followed...to the letter".

Really.

Guess ya'll better step away from those pork ribs and fried shrimp.

The quick answer is always "Well, those food laws were written before modern sanitary procedures, so they don't count- that's historical law- gimme my plate back, Missy- before I stab you with my spork".

Another is

"If it's not in the Good Book, I don't believe it or need it in my life".

May I have your computer, then? Alec dropped his and it's all squidgy. Guess you'll also be turning in your cell phone, eyeglasses, SUV and central air conditioning unit.

Chuckle and patient explanation as to a tiny child-"Those things hadn't been invented yet, so of COURSE they're not in the bible. The people who wrote the bible all those years ago had no idea of the strides we'd make in science and technology."

(Pause for effect)

Here's what I think. I think Genesis was written many years ago by men who knew they needed to start at The Beginning but who (because they were ancient people living in primitive times) had no freaking idea how it all came to be. They cobbled together what made sense to them at the time and called it History.

They weren't trying to pull wool over anyone's eyes (yep- shepherd pun, sue me), they weren't evil men. They did the best they could with the knowledge they had. The entire, repeat ENTIRE Old Testament is book after book of a buncha scholarly dudes trying to make sense out of the world as they saw it, trying to mark down a timeline that would give their people dignity and a solid faith, page after page of "begats" and a fistful of rules so the people wouldn't die of infected penises and salmonella induced dysentery.

Why is it so easy for people to justify setting aside dietary requirements so they can eat those tasty shellfish and cloven hooved critters since SCIENCE has proven that if properly cooked they won't in fact, kill us but so difficult to set aside the Creation story for what it is now that SCIENCE has shown us how it really happened- as much of a fable as Atlas holding the world on his shoulders or the giant turtle balancing our blue and green planet on her shell- our ancestors doing their level and sincere best to explain the unexplainable.

But we know better now.

And it scares the living hell out of me that we're being pulled so far and so quickly backwards- from our politicians to our school boards to our religious "leaders"- out of those 50 young women who were asked "Do you think evolution should be taught in school?" several I guarantee are gay, ALL will need reproductive services they may not be able to afford, none- not a one of them will be paid equally for equal work compared to men in their field.

Every one of them knows all the above, or would if they pulled their heads out of the cloud of hair spray and looked around at their schools, their towns, their mothers.

And yet not a one of them had the balls to look directly at the interviewer and say "I find that question offensive- of course evolution should be taught in school- it's hard science and it's the truth. To do anything else is a dis-service to our children and our country".

THAT would've been an answer worthy of the obligatory "flash the teeth, sparkle the eyes, smile to show you've answered sincerely".

What Bill Nye Never Told You

Even the trees are too hot to move.

What?

Trees don't move? Of course they do.

No no no, not the really slow deliberate movements of growing taller, sending roots deeper, branches wider, leaves or needles individually and en masse forming, unfurling, collecting chlorophyll, turning carbon dioxide into oxygen, wearing out, changing color and silently falling to the ground in their never-ending role to make our atmosphere breathable (thank them very much), I'm talking about their other movements.

The Dancing.

I was about 8 years old and we were driving in the car about sundown. I was tired, and gazing out the window while dozing off and on and as the scenery passed by (actually we were passing the scenery but when you're almost asleep and 8 years old the world moves around you, not vice versa) I couldn't help but notice against the soft velvet backdrop of the dusking sky

The trees were dancing.

Bending, stretching, graceful and joyous together with each other there was rhythm and cadence and ebb and flow from the limber lumber of the branches to every single one of the shimmering quivering whispering leaves, and I smiled to myself because of what I now knew.

The wind is caused by the movements of trees.

Of course the next day I told my mother what I had learned and was told that was silly- the wind is caused by the rise and fall of atmospheric pressure and the rising of hot air pushing against the falling of cooler air coupled with the constant movement of the earth turning and a whole lot of other scientific gobbletygook that sounded sensible until you really take a good look at the trees and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LOOKIT 'EM- THEY'RE DANCING, DAMMIT.

But she never listened.

There was a book back in the '70's- The Secret Life of Plants- that was all about plants having...perhaps not feelings like you and me, they have no eyes or ears or brains after all (I'm not a nutcase- sheesh), but an awareness that comes with life, with being alive. It had chapters on putting electrodes on plants and showing they registered alarm or comfort depending on what was being done to them...

...but it said not a word about the dancing of the trees, which I thought was strange.

When I had my own children- three of them- I explained to each one in turn that the wind is caused by the movement of trees, and all three patiently explained to me what really causes the wind despite my ever-so-logical answers to their (kinda snarky and pointed) questions aimed at poking a hole in my theory.

"Why do you say that, mom?" Because unless the trees are moving, you don't see the wind blow, now do you?

"What about where there are no trees? It's windy on the prairies". Ahhh...because it's not just the trees that dance- all plantlife dances. Just because their feet can't move doesn't mean they can't dance. Every blade of grass can dance.

"OK, Mrs. KnowItAll- what about across the oceans?" Ever drop a pebble in the water? Same principle- once the air is in motion, it will tend to stay in motion, geez I thought you kids were more scientifically learned than this.

That's when they'd change the subject, clearly at a loss because at that point they had nuthin'. Their schmancy books and teachers had never told them about the dancing trees.

I suspect because if we thought about it too much, really believed that they're more than fibrous growths to be harvested for toilet paper and houses and paper and boxes we'd feel just a little squidgy about how wantonly we abuse them.

We live in a log house with an entirely wood interior. It has an energy and a secure feeling to it that comes only from being surrounded by trees, and we silently thank it every single day for sheltering us. We abide literally inside the trees and absorb the strength, the calm, the peace and permanence of them.

Outside, seen through every open uncovered window, close enough to touch are trees- pines, cedars, oaks, dogwoods, sweetgums from knee-high saplings to 100ft gentle giants who were here a century ago they press in on us, shielding us from the road and the 2 other houses in the distance.

The sun has dropped below the tops of the cedars on the west side of the house and the treefrogs and assorted bugs and tiny birds rustle and shake off mid-day lethargy on the creek bank to the east of the house, testing wings and voices for a nighttime serenade as old as the planet but as different as each fleeting beating heart.

Slowly, languorously, the very top leaves at the very tops of the trees start twitching, nudging the ones next to and below them and the tippy tops of the trees begin to sway.

One by one the branches join in from top to bottom, tips to trunk. The smaller undergrowth trees are more flexible- little fishes darting among the whales.

The trees are dancing,

and we welcome the breeze.