Transcript: First Meeting of T-BAD (Take Back America, Dammit)

(room filled to overflowing with angry Americans)

(leader walks to front of room and steps to the podium)

"My fellow Americans- this is a dark time for our country. We come together today- Republicans, Democrats, Independents from all walks of life- drawn together by our horror of what's been happening to our country, and our terrible trepidation of what the signing of this "health reform bill" will mean to life as we know it. We want one thing only- for the government to say OUT OF OUR HOMES (riotous cheers), OUT OF OUR POCKETS (wild screams of approval) and most of all OUT OF OUR LIVES AND HOW WE MAY CHOOSE TO LIVE THEM" (thunderous applause)

"Did any of us ASK for the Government to be our baby-sitters?" (HELL,NO!)
"Do any of us WANT any Government handouts?" (HELL,NO!!)

"ARE WE MAD AS HELL?" (resounding YES from all)

"ARE WE GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE??" (earth-shattering NO from same)

"WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO???" (as one voice- "TAKE BACK AMERICA- DAMMIT")

(full five minutes before the room is once again quiet enough to continue)

"I can see we're all agreed here- every one of us a rugged individual- proud of our ability to care for ourselves and those around us and needing NOTHING from some Government-spawned noose-around-our-necks "social programs"- thinly veiled traps to lull us into complacency before snuffing out the last vestiges of FREEDOM and plunge us en masse back into the very pit of bondage our Founding Fathers bled and died to save us from".

(sustained combination of outrage, jeers and cheers)

"Before we really begin, I just want to be sure everyone here is truly in the right place- strong enough and tough enough for this challenge. And please, when leaving tonight, take a copy of the handouts on the table by the door. Now-"

"Anyone here who are themselves or who has a family member who receives Social Security- either in the form of disability or retirement- please leave. The Social Security system was a total bastard spawned by evil Socialists. Ronald Reagan said so".

(sound of a great many people leaving the room)

"Anyone who has ever taken their children to a public clinic for vaccinations, received AFDC food, cashed an unemployment check or FOR SURE ever used food stamps- please leave. These programs encourage people to stay dependent on Uncle Sam when they should be getting out and working like the rest of us worthy Americans".

(many feet shuffling out the door)

"Public schools- those liberal-run dens of Communist iniquity- NO ONE here condones, much less uses these tools of Satan, do they?"

(lots of people head for the door- including many small feet who were brought here by their parents to see How Democracy Works)

"All our Veterans here- you are our Pride, our Heroes- you know more than anyone how precious Freedom is and how the Government screws up everything it touches- making any government-run program a complete boondoggle. You know firsthand the shoddy care you receive at the VA clinics and hospitals, right? I mean, they're there, but I know you'd never in a million years USE them- you're too proud and independent for that".

(the room begins to have a hollow empty feel to it)

"And finally, although we here- those of us left, anyway- are the lifeblood of the American Dream, we remember that our great Nation, and most of ourselves by our very family trees, are Melting Pots of all the nationalities and races of the world- and we celebrate the strength that comes from that and will not tolerate any sort of bigotry or prejudice. We renounce any persons or groups who condone such behavior and agree that even to turn the other way, or 'let slide' such behavior from others is to do our great country a grave dis-service".

(the silence in the room is deafening)

"Hello? Hello?"

(smiles, turns out the light and closes the door behind her)

"I thought so."

One lone flier remains on the table-

Dear Fellow American,
I apologize for Going All Tea Party on your ass, but you weren't listening to anything else and things are really getting out of hand.

If you are reading this, you have left the room because you have benefited from some social service program that our country offers- and each and every one was hard-won and hotly contested at the time they were enacted.

I AM a proud American, and that to me, means loving and caring for the heart of America- its people.

While I worked 2 jobs to afford surgery for my home-schooled little boy because we couldn't afford insurance and didn't qualify for aid, I paid for your AFDC, public schools and Medicaid to help you through hard times.

While my husband worked at a horrible job all through cancer treatments and surgeries just to keep his insurance, he paid for your Medicare, unemployment and Veterans' services.

Did we ever once resent one penny of that even though we ourselves struggled?
No.
Not even for an instant.
Ever.

You're welcome.

The Health Care Reform bill that just passed is not perfect, but it goes a long way towards making our civilization more civil. It's not the end of the world, it's not a signal that the End Times are upon us, and what I DO resent is the uncivil and hateful way its opponents are behaving.

Revamping our health system will be a work in progress and can be fine-tuned as needed. How can you believe "leaders" who tell you "This will destroy America- there will be no going back once it's signed" in one breath and "This isn't over yet- we CAN still repeal it" in the next?

How can you admire those who scream that the entire thing needs to be scrapped and started over line by line? Where the hell WERE they this whole last year?

Give it a chance. See what happens. Because the way you are currently behaving is embarrassing, unseemly, and infantile.

And MY vision of America is none of those.

Thank you for your time.