photo by Sheri Dixon

Thursday, March 14, 2013

One Big Happy Family

"We MUST get control of the federal deficit! There's no way MY family could get away with doing things this way!"

Don't you love this type of statement? Aren't you in awe of the many little comparisons and graphics and whatnot that show even the most simpleminded of liberals that, "SEE? We would LOVE to give everyone health care and food and a puppy, but it's just not feasible, dear- just like a family budget, you can't spend what you don't have don't you see?"

Other than the gabazillion ways a federal government's budget is not in any way, shape or form even remotely comparable to a family budget, as pointed out by lots of many a shitload of ALL economists, lets just pretend for a second that the federal government's budget is EXACTLY like a family budget.

In our hypothetical family, we have a really big house (like the country) and a diverse amount of people in the family (see where I'm going with this?)

We have Mom and Dad, who are middle aged, college educated and who work full time with benefits. They are on salary and are bringing in a pretty good chunk of money.

There is a college student living at home while going to school, and 3 younger children in public school.

There is a set of grandparents also living there who are retired and drawing social security.

There's an elderly great-uncle who has decided not to waste money on paying for his own house, but wants to live with the rest of the family. Actually, up in the attic because the rest of the family is too damn noisy. He's not destitute, in fact he's got stocks and bonds and savings accounts and IRA's and all sorts of financial assets from an inheritance from HIS parents. He's never done a hard day of work in his life. He buys his own food, so figures he doesn't need to spend a dime on the rest of the family, since he's not TAKING anything.

Out in the back yard lives a second-cousin twice removed (once by restraining order). He has a lot of guns and ammo but is convinced that he doesn't have NEAR enough. He's terminally unemployed. Something about every boss he's ever worked for being an unreasonable asshole. He gets a small check from the VA for his service years ago, which he spends entirely on...more guns and ammo.

OK. Those are the characters. Strictly fictional.

So the income is Mom and Dad's salary, grandma and grandpa's social security.

The expenses are the mortgage payment, utilities, insurances, groceries, college tuition.

One day dad comes home from work early. He's been downsized.

He applies for unemployment and gets it, but of course it's a fraction of what he was making. He looks for work every single day, but he's in his mid-50's and over-qualified for almost everything available. No one wants to hire him.

So the family needs to make some hard decisions.

Mom is already putting all her money into the family fund. So are grandma and grandpa.

If they can't figure something out, the oldest child will have to quit college and the younger kids won't be able to be on any school teams or do any outside activities like music lessons. They'll be eating beans and cornbread every day and the house may be in jeopardy. No one will be able to get health care.

They go to the great-uncle and explain the situation. While he's very concerned for their troubles, he feels strongly that it's not HIS problem and they should've tried harder to save money along the way...while raising 4 kids and helping the grandparents and the cousin in the back yard. His money is HIS money- no matter that the utilities he uses and the attic he's living in is because of their gracious generosity, it's still HIS money.

They go to the cousin in the back yard, who is more sympathetic but can do nothing to help- he's heard that things are going to get REALLY bad out there and he cannot stop spending money on guns and ammo. He's very sorry but he just can't.


In a REAL family, this is where Mom and Dad say to the great-uncle, "Listen, you selfish bastard- we are your family and we need your help right now. You've been living in OUR attic and using OUR utilities all these years- one of the reasons you HAVE so much money is because of US letting you live here. Now cough it up so our children can get a good education and everyone in the family can continue to eat and have a roof over our heads".

Then they'd go out back and smack the cousin upside the head and say, "Stop being such a dick. You have more guns and ammo than you'll ever need right now- in fact you could sell half of it and STILL be set for life. We've put up with your bullshit for years- time to help us out because it's the right thing to do".

The great-uncle would write a big fat hairy check and the crazy cousin would sell some guns and ammo and give half of his VA check to them and everyone would be fed, and cared for, and they'd all keep their happy home.



So, all of you "Just think of the federal budget like a family budget" folks, here's what needs to be done-

We need to go to the great-uncle in the attic (also known as Corporate America) and tell them to stop mooching off of the rest of us and pay into the society they are benefiting from.

We need to go to our crazy twitchy cousin in the back yard (the military) and tell them to sell half of their crap and stop beating the shit out of countries who are not endangering us in any possible way.

Then all our young people can go to college and our old people can be cared for and everyone can have health care.

Wow! That DOES work!


  1. of course it works...I can't believe you were doubtful! *sarcasm*


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