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photo by Sheri Dixon

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

NOT Live-Tweeting Trump's NOT a State of the Union Speech

Since I was at work, I didn’t do a live-feed of Trump’s speech. So, here ya go.

TRUMP: Thank you very much. Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, members of Congress, the first lady of the United States ...
Let’s get this out of the way first thing. Trump did not write this speech, he had no input on this speech, and he was told by someone that he needed to stick with the speech and not wander all over the place like he usually does.
(APPLAUSE)
... and citizens of America, tonight, as we mark the conclusion of our celebration of Black History Month, we are reminded of our nation’s path toward civil rights and the work that still remains to be done.
Recent threats ...
(APPLAUSE)
Recent threats targeting Jewish community centers and vandalism of Jewish cemeteries, as well as last week’s shooting in Kansas City, remind us that while we may be a nation divided on policies, we are a country that stands united in condemning hate and evil in all of its very ugly forms.
You mean all the hate-crimes that are occurring because you specifically are not speaking against them? Those hate-crimes?
(APPLAUSE)
Each American generation passes the torch of truth, liberty and justice, in an unbroken chain all the way down to the present. That torch is now in our hands. And we will use it to light up the world
I am here tonight to deliver a message of unity and strength, and it is a message deeply delivered from my heart. A new chapter ...
(APPLAUSE)
... of American greatness is now beginning. A new national pride is sweeping across our nation. And a new surge of optimism is placing impossible dreams firmly within our grasp. What we are witnessing today is the renewal of the American spirit. Our allies will find that America is once again ready to lead.
Most Americans don’t trust you as far as they can throw you. You cannot talk trash for over a year and then come in with sweet words and promises and expect everyone to say, “HEY- look! He IS presidential!” Those of us who have suffered at the hands and minds of abusive assholes know one when we see one. Lipstick on a pig, man. Lipstick on a pig…
(APPLAUSE)
All the nations of the world — friend or foe — will find that America is strong, America is proud, and America is free. In nine years, the United States will celebrate the 250th anniversary of our founding, 250 years since the day we declared our independence. It will be one of the great milestones in the history of the world.
Will we make it? Who knows? You love to keep us in suspense so we “tune in next week”.
But what will America look like as we reach our 250th year? What kind of country will we leave for our children? I will not allow the mistakes of recent decades past to define the course of our future.
So, the Obama decade where we crawled out of the mire the Bush decade plunged us into? Or that Bushy Plungy one? You’ll have to be more specific.
For too long, we’ve watched our middle class shrink as we’ve exported our jobs and wealth to foreign countries. We’ve financed and built one global project after another, but ignored the fates of our children in the inner cities of Chicago, Baltimore, Detroit and so many other places throughout our land.
See: EVERY TRUMP ENTERPRISE OVERSEAS
We’ve defended the borders of other nations while leaving our own borders wide open for anyone to cross, and for drugs to pour in at a now unprecedented rate. Yeah, immigration is dropping, we HAVE fences AND walls and more border guards and deportations now than any time in our history…but let’s not let facts get in the way of your pretty words… And we’ve spent trillions and trillions of dollars overseas, while our infrastructure at home has so badly crumbled.
Then, in 2016, the earth shifted beneath our feet. The rebellion started as a quiet protest, spoken by families of all colors and creeds, families who just wanted a fair shot for their children, and a fair hearing for their concerns.
Yes- the rise of the new Nationalism. Germany keeps warning us about that…
But then the quiet voices became a loud chorus, as thousands of citizens now spoke out together, from cities small and large, all across our country.
Those were Hillary voters. Well over 3 million more than the ones who voted for you, you pompous, fact-challenged toddler.
Finally, the chorus became an earthquake, and the people turned out by the tens of millions, and they were all united by one very simple, but crucial demand, that America must put its own citizens first, because only then can we truly make America great again.
That was the electoral college that decided that, proving that they are not doing what they were intended to do- make sure an ignoramus gets elected. Their bad.
(APPLAUSE)
Dying industries will come roaring back to life. Heroic veterans will get the care they so desperately need. Our military will be given the resources its brave warriors so richly deserve.
Yanno how when liberals talk about what can happen and the conservatives pat them on the head and say, “That’s nice but how will you PAY for it?”
Crumbling infrastructure will be replaced with new roads, bridges, tunnels, airports and railways, gleaming across our very, very beautiful land. Our terrible drug epidemic will slow down and ultimately stop. And our neglected inner cities will see a rebirth of hope, safety and opportunity.
See: previous comment. The election is over, asshole. Time to show us how you’re going to pay for it. And maybe your own tax returns, while you’re at it.
Above all else, we will keep our promises to the American people.
Like that Muslim ban? That’s working out GREAT!
(APPLAUSE)
Thank you. It’s been a little over a month since my inauguration, and I want to take this moment to update the nation on the progress I’ve made in keeping those promises. Since my election, Ford, Fiat-Chrysler, General Motors, Sprint, Softbank, Lockheed, Intel, Walmart and many others have announced that they will invest billions and billions of dollars in the United States and will create tens of thousands of new American jobs.
You are so full of SHIT- Every one of those deals had been in the making for years before you paid a bunch of lackeys to cheer you riding an escalator.
(APPLAUSE)
The stock market has gained almost $3 trillion in value since the election on Nov. 8, a record. We’ve saved taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars by bringing down the price of fantastic — and it is a fantastic — new F-35 jet fighter, and we’ll be saving billions more on contracts all across our government.
Wait- I thought we were SPENDING money now on the military…
We have placed a hiring freeze on nonmilitary and nonessential federal workers.
Because nothing creates jobs like a hiring freeze!
We have begun to drain the swamp of government corruption by imposing a five-year ban on lobbying by executive branch officials — and a lifetime ban ...
…by putting in place people who have no damn idea how government is SUPPOSED to run!
(APPLAUSE)
Thank you. Thank you. And a lifetime ban on becoming lobbyists for a foreign government. We have undertaken a historic effort to massively reduce job-crushing regulations, creating a deregulation task force inside of every government agency ...
And a rule that the sitting POTUS cannot do business around the world? Where is THAT rule?
(APPLAUSE)
... and we’re imposing a new rule which mandates that for every one new regulation, two old regulations must be eliminated.
What a childish and arbitrary piece of crap rule that is. We’re not talking about cleaning out your sock drawer for fuck’s sake.
(APPLAUSE)
We’re going to stop the regulations that threaten the future and livelihood of our great coal miners.
…by poisoning their water so they all die and no one will miss those jobs!
(APPLAUSE)
We have cleared the way for the construction of the Keystone and Dakota Access Pipelines ...
…because Trump has invested in those ventures that do NOTHING for America but will line Trump’s pockets and what’s good for TRUMP is good for America, right?
(APPLAUSE)
... thereby creating tens of thousands of jobs. Less than 100 permanent jobs. Just sayin’… And I’ve issued a new directive that new American pipelines be made with American steel.
(APPLAUSE)
We have withdrawn the United States from the job-killing Trans-Pacific Partnership.
Thereby telling our allies that we don’t give a crap about anyone but us.
(APPLAUSE)
And with the help of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, we have formed a council with our neighbors in Canada to help ensure that women entrepreneurs have access to the networks, markets and capital they need to start a business and live out their financial dreams.
WTF you need a COUNCIL for that? To see if it’s a GOOD IDEA?
(APPLAUSE)
To protect our citizens, I have directed the Department of Justice to form a task force on reducing violent crime. I have further ordered the Departments of Homeland Security and Justice, along with the Department of State and the director of national intelligence, to coordinate an aggressive strategy to dismantle the criminal cartels that have spread all across our nation.
So…you and every president in at LEAST my lifetime. Bravo, Mr. Original Idea.
(APPLAUSE)
We will stop the drugs from pouring into our country and poisoning our youth, and we will expand treatment for those who have become so badly addicted.
Shut up. You will not.
(APPLAUSE)
At the same time, my administration has answered the pleas of the American people for immigration enforcement and border security.
Which people? ALL Americans? Like the majority who want reforms? Or just the ones who don’t like brown people?
(APPLAUSE)
By finally enforcing our immigration laws, we will raise wages, help the unemployed, save billions and billions of dollars, and make our communities safer for everyone.
See: Obama’s actual record on deportation, reinforcing the border and surge of border agents.
(APPLAUSE)
We want all Americans to succeed, but that can’t happen in an environment of lawless chaos.
Oh, ya. That whole “Law and Order” administration. *wink wink* send the local forces more tanks!
We must restore integrity and the rule of law at our borders.
“Restore”? I thought you said it was never there?
(APPLAUSE)
For that reason, we will soon begin the construction of a great, great wall along our southern border.
Fuck your wall. The only reason this is in the speech is it’s at about the halfway point and your most ardent minions were starting to doze off.
(APPLAUSE)
As we speak tonight, we are removing gang members, drug dealers and criminals that threaten our communities and prey on our very innocent citizens. Bad ones are going out as I speak, and as I promised throughout the campaign. To any in Congress who do not believe we should enforce our laws, I would ask you this one question: What would you say to the American family that loses their jobs, their income or their loved one because America refused to uphold its laws and defend its borders?
You mean all the stuff that was already being done? Quite the little opportunistic parasite, aren’t you?
(APPLAUSE)
Our obligation is to serve, protect and defend the citizens of the United States. We are also taking strong measures to protect our nation from radical Islamic terrorism.
Why say “radical”? ALL terrorism is radical. That’s the whole point. Unless there’s some “inoffensive terrorism” we just haven’t noticed yet...
(APPLAUSE)
According to data provided by the Department of Justice, the vast majority of individuals convicted of terrorism and terrorism-related offenses since 9/11 came here from outside of our country. That’s patently 100% wrong. MOST of our terrorists have been born here or white, or both. We have seen the attacks at home, from Boston to San Bernardino to the Pentagon and, yes, even the World Trade Center. We have seen the attacks in France, in Belgium, in Germany and all over the world.
It is not compassionate, but reckless to allow uncontrolled entry from places where proper vetting cannot occur.
We have proper vetting. You just don’t understand what that means.
(APPLAUSE)
Those given the high honor of admission to the United States should support this country and love its people and its values. We cannot allow a beachhead of terrorism to form inside America, and we cannot allow our nation to become a sanctuary for extremists.
So you’re deporting all extremist fundamentalist Christians and all KKK members and neo-Nazi’s and people who clutch the Confederate Flag and holler “THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN!”? Cool.
(APPLAUSE) That is why my administration has been working on improved vetting procedures, and we will shortly take new steps to keep our nation safe, and to keep those out who will do us harm.
By tanking our tourism industry with your ridiculous Muslim ban. Well done.
(APPLAUSE)
As promised, I directed the Department of Defense to develop a plan to demolish and destroy ISIS, a network of lawless savages that have slaughtered Muslims and Christians, and men, women and children of all faiths and all beliefs. We will work with our allies, including our friends and allies in the Muslim world, to extinguish this vile enemy from our planet.
Super! Because NO ONE HAD THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE, you narcissistic moron.
(APPLAUSE)
I have also imposed new sanctions on entities and individuals who support Iran’s ballistic missile program, and reaffirmed our unbreakable alliance with the state of Israel.
Whew! Good thing you mentioned Israel, because your minions were nodding off again!
(APPLAUSE)
Finally, I have kept my promise to appoint a justice to the United States Supreme Court, from my list of 20 judges, who will defend our Constitution.
Your “promise”? It’s your damn job, not some favor you’re doing us.
(APPLAUSE)
I am greatly honored to have Maureen Scalia with us in the gallery tonight.
(APPLAUSE)
Thank you, Maureen. Her late, great husband, Antonin Scalia, will forever be a symbol of American justice.
To fill his seat, we have chosen Judge Neil Gorsuch, a man of incredible skill and deep devotion to the law. He was confirmed unanimously by the Court of Appeals, and I am asking the Senate to swiftly approve his nomination.
And I hope they move just as swiftly as they did when Obama chose a justice…
(APPLAUSE)
Tonight, as I outline the next steps we must take as a country, we must honestly acknowledge the circumstances we inherited. Ninety-four million Americans are out of the labor force. This number includes people who are RETIRED. Over 43 million people are now living in poverty. Which is less than when Bush tanked our economy. And over 43 million Americans are on food stamps. Most of them poor whites, who voted overwhelmingly for you.
More than one in five people in their prime working years are not working. We have the worst financial recovery in 65 years. In the last eight years, the past administration has put on more new debt than nearly all of the other presidents combined.
I just can’t. Can this guy or anyone around him use Google? Seriously?
We’ve lost more than one-fourth of our manufacturing jobs since Nafta was approved and we’ve lost 60,000 factories since China joined the World Trade Organization in 2001. THAT’S WHERE YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER MAKE YOUR CRAP, YOU BLOVIATING WALRUS. Our trade deficit in goods with the world last year was nearly $800 billion. And overseas, we have inherited a series of tragic foreign policy disasters.
Solving these and so many other pressing problems will require us to work past the differences of party. Great. Your side first. Our side tried for 8 years and got shit on every day by your side. It will require us to tap into the American spirit that has overcome every challenge throughout our long and storied history. But to accomplish our goals at home and abroad, we must restart the engine of the American economy, making it easier for companies to do business in the United States and much, much harder for companies to leave our country.
(APPLAUSE)
Right now, American companies are taxed at one of the highest rates anywhere in the world. No, they’re not. MY GOD, GOOGLE. My economic team is developing historic tax reform that will reduce the tax rate on our companies so they can compete and thrive anywhere and with anyone.
(APPLAUSE)
It will be a big, big cut. <<< As far as I can tell, this is the only sentence in the entire speech he wrote himself. At the same time, we will provide massive tax relief for the middle class. We must create a level playing field for American companies and our workers — have to do it. <<< Ad lib. Because otherwise it's a perfectly good sentence.
(APPLAUSE)
Currently, when we ship products out of America, many other countries make us pay very high tariffs and taxes, but when foreign companies ship their products into America, we charge them nothing or almost nothing.
Business concepts using purposely little words. Now we’re talkin’ Trumpese. I just met with officials and workers from a great American company, Harley-Davidson. In fact, they proudly displayed five of their magnificent motorcycles, made in the U.S.A., on the front lawn of the White House.
Assembled in America using foreign parts. (APPLAUSE)
And they wanted me to ride one, and I said, “No, thank you.”
(LAUGHTER)
At our meeting, I asked them, “How are you doing? How is business?” They said that it’s good. I asked them further, “How are you doing with other countries, mainly international sales?”
They told me — without even complaining, because they have been so mistreated for so long that they’ve become used to it — that it’s very hard to do business with other countries, because they tax our goods at such a high rate. They said that in the case of another country, they taxed their motorcycles at 100 percent. But people in those countries buy them even at a huge markup because they are Harleys and everyone wants one. You forgot that part. They weren’t even asking for a change. But I am. I believe ...
(APPLAUSE)
I believe strongly in free trade, but it also has to be fair trade. It’s been a long time since we had fair trade.
The first Republican president, Abraham Lincoln, warned that “the abandonment of the protective policy by the American government will produce want and ruin among our people.”
Lincoln was right, and it’s time we heeded his advice and his words.
(APPLAUSE)
I am not going to let America and its great companies and workers be taken — advantage of us any longer. They have taken advantage of our country no longer. AND DONNIE'S BACK! THERE'S THAT VERBIAGE WE'RE USED TO HEARING FROM HIM!

(APPLAUSE)
I am going to bring back millions of jobs. Protecting our workers also means reforming our system of legal immigration.
So, it’s not just the “illegals” we’re going after. Gotcha. (APPLAUSE)
The current, outdated system depresses wages for our poorest workers and puts great pressure on taxpayers. Nations around the world, like Canada, Australia and many others, have a merit-based immigration system.
They also have a liveable wage for ALL workers, which might have something to do with it. But let’s do concentrate on blaming our immigrants… (APPLAUSE)
It’s a basic principle that those seeking to enter a country ought to be able to support themselves financially. Yet in America we do not enforce this rule, straining the very public resources that our poorest citizens rely upon.
…and you want to cut those programs. Because that will help our poor people. According to the National Academy of Sciences, our current immigration system costs American taxpayers many billions of dollars a year. Switching away from this current system of lower-skilled immigration, and instead adopting a merit-based system, we will have so many more benefits. It will save countless dollars, raise workers’ wages and help struggling families, including immigrant families, enter the middle class. And they will do it quickly, and they will be very, very happy, indeed.
That’s already happening. Skilled immigrants have ALWAYS quickly assimilated into the middle class- those are the brown people our poor white people hate, remember? (APPLAUSE)
I believe that real and positive immigration reform is possible, as long as we focus on the following goals: to improve jobs and wages for Americans, to strengthen our nation’s security and to restore respect for our laws.
If we are guided by the well-being of American citizens, then I believe Republicans and Democrats can work together to achieve an outcome that has eluded our country for decades.
Exactly what outcome? Less brown people? (APPLAUSE)
Another Republican president, Dwight D. Eisenhower, initiated the last truly great national infrastructure program: the building of the interstate highway system. The time has come for a new program of national rebuilding.
(APPLAUSE)
America has spent approximately $6 trillion in the Middle East, all the while our infrastructure at home is crumbling. Please note which party keeps voting against improvements. I’ll wait right here. Open a new browser on your phone (using your Tweeting finger…your tiny little Tweeting finger) and Google it. With the $6 trillion, we could have rebuilt our country twice, and maybe even three times, if we had people who had the ability to negotiate. Like a serial bankruptcy court guest? One that stiffs contractors to the tune of 3,000 lawsuits? No, thanks. (APPLAUSE)
To launch our national rebuilding, I will be asking Congress to approve legislation that produces a $1 trillion investment in infrastructure of the United States, financed through both public and private capital, creating millions of new jobs.
Again. WHEW- BECAUSE NO ONE HAS WANTED THAT TO HAPPEN BEFORE! (APPLAUSE)
This effort will be guided by two core principles: Buy American and hire American.
YOU FIRST, ASSHOLE. (APPLAUSE)
Tonight, I am also calling on this Congress to repeal and replace Obamacare ...
(APPLAUSE)
... with reforms that expand choice, increase access, lower costs and at the same time provide better health care.
Reform: to change something already in existence to make improvements. You can’t repeal AND reform, you idiot.
(APPLAUSE)
Mandating every American to buy government-approved health insurance was never the right solution for our country. So, you’re going to take health care out of the hands of the private market? Because that’s the only viable alternative. (APPLAUSE)
The way to make health insurance available to everyone is to lower the cost of health insurance, and that is what we are going to do.
Yay! Public option, here we come! (APPLAUSE)
Obamacare premiums nationwide have increased by double and triple digits. Those are private company premiums. There’s no such thing as “Obamacare Insurance”. Blame the private insurance companies. As an example, Arizona went up 116 percent last year alone. Gov. Matt Bevin of Kentucky just said Obamacare is failing in his state, the state of Kentucky, and it’s unsustainable and collapsing. Did Matty-boy accept the Medicaid expansion? No? HUH. One third of the counties have only one insurer, and they’re losing them fast, they are losing them so fast. They’re leaving. And many Americans have no choice at all. There’s no choice left.
See: unregulated private insurers who are slicing and dicing our nation because they can. I’m repeating myself, right? Remember when you were told that you could keep your doctor and keep your plan? We now know that all of those promises have been totally broken. Obamacare is collapsing, and we must act decisively to protect all Americans.
(screams into pillow) (APPLAUSE)
Action is not a choice; it is a necessity. So I am calling on all Democrats and Republicans in Congress to work with us to save Americans from this imploding Obamacare disaster.
Like the Republicans worked with Democrats to write the bill in the first place? When they were begged to give their input for several YEARS before whining that no one asked them and it was “passed in the middle of the night”? (APPLAUSE)
Here are the principles that should guide Congress as we move to create a better health care system for all Americans.
First, we should ensure that Americans with pre-existing conditions have access to coverage and that we have a stable transition for Americans currently enrolled in the health care exchanges.
Access to coverage and being able to afford it are two different things. Will there be a cap on premiums? (APPLAUSE)
Secondly, we should help Americans purchase their own coverage, through the use of tax credits and expanded health savings accounts, but it must be the plan they want, not the plan forced on them by our government.
YES- HSA’s! Because the average American will quickly amass say, the $75,000 a pacemaker costs or upwards of a cool million for cancer care… (APPLAUSE)
Thirdly, we should give our state governors the resources and flexibility they need with Medicaid to make sure no one is left out.
It was called the Medicaid expansion and every single GOP governor refused it. Every. Single. One. (APPLAUSE)
Fourth, we should implement legal reforms that protect patients and doctors from unnecessary costs that drive up the price of insurance and work to bring down the artificially high price of drugs and bring them down immediately.
(whispers) *Public. Option.* (APPLAUSE)
And finally, the time has come to give Americans the freedom to purchase health insurance across state lines ...
(APPLAUSE)
... which will create a truly competitive national marketplace that will bring costs way down and provide far better care. So important. <<< another ad lib. Because otherwise we wouldn’t realize how important insurance is. It’s important. So important.
ALL OF THE ABOVE WERE IN THE ORIGINAL BILL. ALL OF IT. ALONG WITH A PUBLIC OPTION TO OPT INTO MEDICARE IF YOU WERE PAYING INTO IT AND IF YOU WANTED TO, AND THE GOP AND INSURANCE COMPANIES HAD MASS ANEURISMS AND FAINTED.
Everything that is broken in our country can be fixed. Every problem can be solved. And every hurting family can find healing and hope. Our citizens deserve this, and so much more, so why not join forces and finally get the job done and get it done right?
Fuck you. Just…fuck you. You are every abuser I have ever come in contact with, but less attractive and more creepy.
(APPLAUSE)
On this and so many other things, Democrats and Republicans should get together and unite for the good of our country and for the good of the American people.
“I know I beat you every day and blow all our money at the track, but we need to stay together- for the sake of the children. Don’t you love our children?” (APPLAUSE)
My administration wants to work with members of both parties to make child care accessible and affordable, to help ensure new parents that they have paid family leave ...
No, you don’t. ... to invest in women’s health, and to promote clean air and clean water, and to rebuild our military and our infrastructure.
Shutting down Planned Parenthood and lifting regulations so mines can dump sludge into the water is a funny way of doing those things. (APPLAUSE)
True love for our people requires us to find common ground, to advance the common good, and to cooperate on behalf of every American child who deserves a much brighter future.
Do not put the blame for this mess on the people who are being victimized. Do NOT. An incredible young woman is with us this evening who should serve as an inspiration to us all. Today is Rare Disease Day, and joining us in the gallery is a rare disease survivor, Megan Crowley. Megan ...
(APPLAUSE)
Megan was diagnosed with Pompe disease, a rare and serious illness, when she was 15 months old. She was not expected to live past 5. On receiving this news, Megan’s dad, John, fought with everything he had to save the life of his precious child. He founded a company to look for a cure and helped develop the drug that saved Megan’s life. Today she is 20 years old and a sophomore at Notre Dame.
(APPLAUSE)
Megan’s story is about the unbounded power of a father’s love for a daughter. But our slow and burdensome approval process at the Food and Drug Administration keeps too many advances, like the one that saved Megan’s life, from reaching those in need.
If we slash the restraints, not just at the F.D.A. but across our government, then we will be blessed with far more miracles just like Megan.
Also, many illnesses, birth defects and deaths from dangerous untested drugs. But hey- MEGAN. (APPLAUSE)
In fact, our children will grow up in a nation of miracles. But to achieve this future, we must enrich the mind — and the souls — of every American child. Education is the civil rights issue of our time.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. (APPLAUSE)
I am calling upon members of both parties to pass an education bill that funds school choice for disadvantaged youth, including millions of African-American and Latino children.
(APPLAUSE)
These families should be free to choose the public, private, charter, magnet, religious or home school that is right for them.
Great. “Separate but equal”. Where have we heard that before? (APPLAUSE)
Joining us tonight in the gallery is a remarkable woman, Denisha Merriweather. As a young girl, Denisha struggled in school and failed third grade twice. But then she was able to enroll in a private center for learning — great learning center — with the help of a tax credit and a scholarship program. Today, she is the first in her family to graduate, not just from high school, but from college. Later this year, she will get her master’s degree in social work. We want all children to be able to break the cycle of poverty just like Denisha.
…or we could improve our public schools so everyone can be Denisha without failing 3rd grade twice and jumping thru tax credit and scholarship hoops first. Just a thought. (APPLAUSE)
But to break the cycle of poverty, we must also break the cycle of violence. The murder rate in 2015 experienced its largest single-year increase in nearly half a century. In Chicago, more than 4,000 people were shot last year alone, and the murder rate so far this year has been even higher. This is not acceptable in our society.
Yay! We get to the part about common-sense gun control! (APPLAUSE)
Every American child should be able to grow up in a safe community, to attend a great school and to have access to a high-paying job.
(APPLAUSE)
But to create this future, we must work with — not against — not against — the men and women of law enforcement.
Oops. Nope. Just “give the cops more and bigger guns”. What was I thinking? This is the guy who signed an EO to allow mentally ill people to get guns… (APPLAUSE)
We must build bridges of cooperation and trust, not drive the wedge of disunity and it’s — really, it’s what it is, division. It’s pure, unadulterated division. We have to unify. Police and sheriffs are members of our community. They’re friends and neighbors, they’re mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, and they leave behind loved ones every day who worry about whether or not they’ll come home safe and sound. We must support the incredible men and women of law enforcement.
I don’t know a single person who hates cops. That entire paragraph was divisive.
(APPLAUSE)
And we must support the victims of crime. I have ordered the Department of Homeland Security to create an office to serve American victims. The office is called Voice, Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement.
Why just “immigration crime”? WTF? We are providing a voice to those who have been ignored by our media and silenced by special interests. Joining us ...
No one is ignoring victims. No one. (APPLAUSE)
Joining us in the audience tonight are four very brave Americans whose government failed them. Their names are Jamiel Shaw, Susan Oliver, Jenna Oliver and Jessica Davis. Jamiel’s 17-year-old son was viciously murdered by an illegal immigrant gang member who had just been released from prison. Jamiel Shaw Jr. was an incredible young man with unlimited potential who was getting ready to go to college, where he would have excelled as a great college quarterback.
But he never got the chance. His father, who is in the audience tonight, has become a very good friend of mine. Jamiel, thank you. Thank you.
(APPLAUSE)
Also with us are Susan Oliver and Jessica Davis. Their husbands — Deputy Sheriff Danny Oliver and Detective Michael Davis — were slain in the line of duty in California. They were pillars of their community. These brave men were viciously gunned down by an illegal immigrant with a criminal record and two prior deportations. Should have never been in our country.
Sitting with Susan is her daughter, Jenna. Jenna, I want you to know that your father was a hero and that tonight you have the love of an entire country supporting you and praying for you.
(APPLAUSE)
To Jamiel, Jenna, Susan and Jessica, I want you to know that we will never stop fighting for justice. Your loved ones will never, ever be forgotten. We will always honor their memory.
What the hell? Where’s the families of the people Dylan Roof killed? (APPLAUSE)
Finally, to keep America safe, we must provide the men and women of the United States military with the tools they need to prevent war — if they must — they have to fight and they only have to win.
(APPLAUSE)
I am sending Congress a budget that rebuilds the military, eliminates the defense sequester...
(APPLAUSE)
... and calls for one of the largest increases in national defense spending in American history.
HOW ARE WE PAYING FOR THAT? We’re already the biggest military ever known to mankind, but other than that…HOW ARE WE PAYING FOR THAT? My budget will also increase funding for our veterans. Our veterans have delivered for this nation, and now we must deliver for them.
How about not making any more veterans, you sabre-rattling draft-dodging blowhard.
(APPLAUSE)
The challenges we face as a nation are great. But our people are even greater. And none are greater or braver than those who fight for America in uniform.
How would you know? (APPLAUSE)
We are blessed to be joined tonight by Carryn Owens, the widow of U.S. Navy special operator, Senior Chief William “Ryan” Owens. Ryan died as he lived, a warrior and a hero, battling against terrorism and securing our nation.
(APPLAUSE)
I just spoke to our great General [Jim] Mattis just now who reconfirmed that, and I quote, “Ryan was a part of a highly successful raid that generated large amounts of vital intelligence that will lead to many more victories in the future against our enemy.”
Ryan’s legacy is etched into eternity. Thank you.
(APPLAUSE)
And Ryan is looking down right now. You know that. And he’s very happy, because I think he just broke a record.
(APPLAUSE)
For as the Bible teaches us, there is no greater act of love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. Ryan laid down his life for his friends, for his country and for our freedom. And we will never forget Ryan.
Ryan is dead because of you, Mr. President. He’s dead because YOU didn’t listen to your advisors. The raid was a disaster and got NOTHING we can use other than a mess of dead people, including children. To hold up that man’s widow like a bauble and proof of your “greatness” and then to tell her her “ratings” are great (due to the applause) is heinous. You, sir, are a monster. (APPLAUSE)
To those allies who wonder what kind of a friend America will be, look no further than the heroes who wear our uniform. Our foreign policy calls for a direct, robust and meaningful engagement with the world. It is American leadership based on vital security interests that we share with our allies all across the globe.
We strongly support NATO, an alliance forged through the bonds of two world wars, that dethroned fascism ...
The same NATO you said was bad? That NATO? (APPLAUSE)
... and a Cold War and defeated communism.
(APPLAUSE)
But our partners must meet their financial obligations. And now, based on our very strong and frank discussions, they are beginning to do just that. In fact, I can tell you the money is pouring in. Very nice.
Shaking down our allies for their lunch money. Perfect. “Very nice”.
(APPLAUSE)
We expect our partners, whether in NATO, in the Middle East or in the Pacific, to take a direct and meaningful role in both strategic and military operations, and pay their fair share of the cost — have to do that. <<< another ad lib. He's clearly at the breaking point. We will respect historic institutions, but we will respect the foreign rights of all nations. And they have to respect our rights as a nation, also.
Great! Palestine gets its own country! (APPLAUSE)
Free nations are the best vehicle for expressing the will of the people, and America respects the right of all nations to chart their own path. Unless they have oil. Then we “take” the oil. Right? My job is not to represent the world. My job is to represent the United States of America.
(APPLAUSE)
But we know that America is better off when there is less conflict, not more. We must learn from the mistakes of the past. We have seen the war and the destruction that have ravaged and raged throughout the world. All across the world. <<< He can't help it now. He had to add this because "throughout the world" was not bigly enough. The only long-term solution for these humanitarian disasters, in many cases, is to create the conditions where displaced persons can safely return home and begin the long, long process of rebuilding.
Have you thought about not blowing the shit out of their countries anymore? Asking for a friend… (APPLAUSE)
America is willing to find new friends, and to forge new partnerships, where shared interests align. We want harmony and stability, not war and conflict. We want peace, wherever peace can be found. America is friends today with former enemies. See: Russia and the blossoming bromance between Donnie and Vlad. Some of our closest allies, decades ago, fought on the opposite side of these terrible, terrible wars. This history should give us all faith in the possibilities for a better world.
Hopefully, the 250th year for America will see a world that is more peaceful, more just, and more free.
Your brand of Nationalism will not do that. Sorry. Spoiler? On our 100th anniversary in 1876, citizens from across our nation came to Philadelphia to celebrate America’s centennial. At that celebration, the country’s builders and artists and inventors showed off their wonderful creations. Alexander Graham Bell displayed his telephone for the first time. Remington unveiled the first typewriter. An early attempt was made at electric light. Thomas Edison showed an automatic telegraph and an electric pen. Imagine the wonders our country could know in America’s 250th year.
I was curious because he didn’t mention our bi-centennial in 1976. Maybe because the POTUS was Carter and we weren’t all up in everyone else’s business worldwide in a pushy and bullying manner? (APPLAUSE)
Think of the marvels we could achieve if we simply set free the dreams of our people. Cures to the illnesses that have always plagued us are not too much to hope. American footprints on distant worlds are not too big a dream. Millions lifted from welfare to work is not too much to expect. And streets where mothers are safe from fear — schools where children learn in peace, and jobs where Americans prosper and grow — are not too much to ask.
“Oh, baby. If only you stay, we can do great things together! I know I lose my temper sometimes and sometimes I slap you around a little, but it’s only because I just LOVE YOU SO MUCH! Here- your favorite flowers…and $100. Go buy yourself something pretty!” (APPLAUSE)
When we have all of this, we will have made America greater than ever before, for all Americans. This is our vision. This is our mission. But we can only get there together. We are one people, with one destiny.
We all bleed the same blood. We all salute the same great American flag. And we are all made by the same God.
Oh, brother. *gets out waders… (APPLAUSE)
When we fulfill this vision, when we celebrate our 250 years of glorious freedom, we will look back on tonight as when this new chapter of American greatness began. Or the moment our nation who has been horrified and shocked by your actions for the last month just gives the hell up and latches onto your pretty words because we’re too damn tired to keep up with the mental insults to our intelligence and hearts? Same diff, I guess…The time for small thinking is over. The time for trivial fights is behind us. So you’re closing your Twitter account and turning off SNL because JESUS YOU’RE EMBARRASSING. We just need the courage to share the dreams that fill our hearts, the bravery to express the hopes that stir our souls, and the confidence to turn those hopes and those dreams into action.
Ooh. Nice. Adapted from the AA slogan. Very clever. From now on, America will be empowered by our aspirations, not burdened by our fears, inspired by the future, not bound by failures of the past, and guided by a vision, not blinded by our doubts.
This speechwriter moonlights at Hallmark. I guarantee it. I am asking all citizens to embrace this renewal of the American spirit. I am asking all members of Congress to join me in dreaming big and bold and daring things for our country. I am asking everyone watching tonight to seize this moment. Believe in yourselves. Believe in your future. And believe, once more, in America.
Thank you, God bless you, and God bless the United States.
Alrighty, then. He stuck mostly to the script, and didn’t go “off reservation” more than a few times. Do I believe the pretty words? Not for a split second. You can’t take a 70 year old guy who has done nothing but think of himself for seven decades and who has never had to work for a goddamn penny and expect him to turn all presidential and shit. Cannot.
Does he have a good speechwriter? Yep. Can he hold “character” for the time it took to read this? Mostly.
His agenda has not changed. His core beliefs and those of the people he has surrounded himself have not changed. If anything, sounding marginally sane and reasonable is more dangerous than “Crazy Random-Brain-Cells-Drunk-Sexting-Each-Other Trump”.
Focus on his deeds, not his pretty words.
*Resist*

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