photo by Sheri Dixon

Monday, February 17, 2014

Texas GOP Primaries- Hilarious if You Don't Live Here

Our TV has a habit of staying on all night.

I fall asleep watching House Hunters.

Ward wakes up multiple times at night and turns on various channels; Al Jazeera, Discovery, for a while I was having weird dreams about The World's Most Comforable Bra, the new Shark Vacuum and Buns of Steel which was very annoying.

So Ward took to having our 'local' channel on overnight. And I say 'local' because our stupid satellite provider's territories go by counties, not proximity to cities with TV stations. Therefore, our 'local' station is in Dallas- almost 100 miles away, and not Tyler- 20 miles away and where we go for all our big city shopping and where I know- LOCAL.

But I digress.

That worked pretty well for a while- a small buzzing of news and so-forth from the Dallas area; weather, overnight shootings at the stockyards, traffic congestion, overnight shootings in Oak Cliff...

...until this morning. Apparently, today starts the blitz of



Here in Texas we get to choose which GOP candidate will run against Wendy Davis.

Now, keep in mind our current Texas Miracle Governor is Slick Rick Perry, who is not running again because he has bigger fish (he thinks) to bludgeon, shoot and fry on a national level- and a more slimy, selfish, unlikable asshole you'd be hard-pressed to find. So the field is really heating up to prove that there are MORE people who are MORE batshit crazy intent on pillaging and raping our state and its people every which way to Sunday.

Because Sunday they spend at church.

We've got Greg Abbott, who went straight for CrazyTown when he announced that he's taking along Ted Nugent on the campaign trail. I guess like a mascot. An ill-tempered non-housebroken mascot.

We've also got Ken Paxton, who now has the dubious honor of having Ted Cruz's endorsement. Well, dubious unless you buy into Teddy's fake, syrupy, tear(or something)-jerking love of 'Merika. Note Teddy says, "Ken Paxton is a tireless servant. Ken Paxton stands and fights, whether it’s fighting against ObamaCare or fighting for Voter ID, or fighting to defend our Religious Liberty" which is all pretty horrifying if you're an actual thinking human American and understand that translates into "Ken Paxton will do everything he can to make sure Texans continue to have the highest percentage of uninsured people, the most obviously gerrymandered districts and ID laws that do nothing except keep people from voting, and keep this a CHRISTIAN Nation run on CHRISTIAN BIBLE LAW." Nope. Nothing Un-American THERE.

The real cake-taker is Dan Patrick, which is weird because he's not even running for governor. He's running for Lt. Governor, but that's OK. He makes up for lack of ambition with true genius insanity. Because in a state that has a huge Hispanic population, in a party that is 'officially' looking to be more inclusive of 'other people' (that means women, people of color, gay people...anyone not male, white and over 65), this guy is running on the following platforms-

-Stronger border security and Sanctuary City legislation. Because we need to legislate Sanctuary Cities. Those things that don't really exist.

-Opposing in-state tuition for illegal immigrants (the DREAM act- which allows students who QUALIFY with superior grades in high school to attend college at in-state rates. The majority of these kids' parents came here when they were tiny and they don't KNOW any other home)because...fuck. I can't think of one good reason not to encourage ANY young person to get higher education. Not one.

-Reform Education and provide more choice which means more privatization of public schools. What a fabulous idea. I'm sure it'll work every bit as well as our privately run health care industry.

-Pass campus carry and protect the Second Amendment because nothing is a better idea than encouraging a demographic that is by definition emotionally turbulent and prone to sleeplessness, stress and a shitload of booze consumption to be armed with loaded weapons. How could that possibly go wrong?

-Cutting property taxes, business taxes and wasteful government. Everyone wants less taxes, right? Why should *we* have to pay for schools, fire departments, police departments, roads, public water, etc...we don't use that stuff and neither do our businesses. The fact that Texas is number four in pollution, and has a less-than-mediocre report card for all infrastructure
? Totally irrelevant. LESS TAXES!

-Defend life and traditional marriage. No explanation needed there.

And finally-

-Defend Texas against Washington. Sounds pretty secessionist to me, Danny Boy. I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, and that you mean it in a generic "big government is bad, m-kay?" sort of way. And it's certainly not meant to stir up the whole 'Obama is a Muslim Kenyan Literally Hitler' crowd, right?

Except your actual campaign catch phrase is
"Secure the border. Fight Obama".

Yep. Nothing personal there.

I'm a Texan- not born here but been here over 20 years now. I love this state. I absolutely abhor what the GOP has done to its people, its industry, its environment and its morale...just in these last 20 years. I voted for Ann Richards. Texas has NOT ALWAYS BEEN A RED STATE, no matter what the fucking talking heads on FAUX News and Yell Radio say and for damn sure no matter what this new crop of GOP douchenozzles tries to sell us.

Rick Perry's Texas Miracle is that any of us have survived it.

I do not believe we can take another round of governmental domestic abuse. "Vote for me, darlin'. I know we've screwed you over for 20 years but THIS TIME will be different. I know what's best for you. No one loves you like I do. Trust me."

"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross."- Sinclair Lewis

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