How Dare You

Let me just start out by saying I'm not a man-hating baby-despising old shriveled up shrew.

I love men- I've been married three times. And I adore babies- I grew three of 'em right inside me. I've felt the kicking, seen the little footie outline on my tummy, pushed 'em out and held them close.

So I'm not anti-baby and I sure as hell am not pro-abortion. Actually, as I've stated before (loudly and often) NO ONE Is pro-abortion. I don't know of a single person anywhere who looks at abortion in a positive light. But most of us are pro-CHOICE.

Yes, there is too a difference. Sorta like the FACT that we are NOT a Christian nation; we are a nation peopled by a Christian majority. The Christian religion? NOT A NATIONAL RELIGION. Ergo there should be NO laws written specifically to conform to the Christian bible. Just like there should be no laws written to fit the Koran (SHARIA LAW, ya'll! RUN!!!). Get it?

But here in the Land of Individual Freedom and Responsibility, some people think that it's A-OK to determine what certain humans (like female ones) may and may not do with their own bodies.

I know, I know, I know-

"But it's a BABY! How can you KILL a BABY???"

I never had to consider it.

I've been damn lucky, and I know it.

My babies were conceived when I had family support, friend support, financial support. I was mentally ready and physically healthy.

But I've also had times in my life when I was married to an alcoholic abusive criminal. When I was newly in a different state and living in a trailer park. When I seriously considered living in my car. When the only health care I could afford was Planned Parenthood (and it was damn good health care, too. And not ONCE did they tell me all about their super-fun abortion services.)

Many women are stuck in these dismal situations. Stuck financially and mentally for many reasons.

I'm no better than any of them and I absolutely cannot sit in judgment. I will not sit in judgment.

But it's so fucking easy.

"They're just being selfish- if they didn't want to have a child, they shouldn't have had sex".


Yep. That 13 year old being raped on a regular basis by her step-father is being SO selfish. That young woman married to an abusive asshole and threatened with death if she leaves is being SO irresponsible. How dare you sit in judgment of them.

"The adult thing to do is to woman up to the consequences of your actions, have the baby and put it up for adoption- there are LOTS of couples who would LOVE to adopt!"


Here's a little personal fact-filled story for you.

Years ago before Ward got sick, we looked into adoption. We were told there are 2 categories of babies available for domestic adoption.

Category A babies are white. They have full family health histories. They cost about $35,000 to adopt after a 3-5 year wait. We couldn't even get on that list because we were over 40, already had a natural child and we weren't CHRISTIAN.

Ahh, but the Category B babies.

Those are mixed heritage or all-minority. There may or may not be a history of substance abuse on the part of the mother. There may or may not be a health history depending on if the mother knew who the father is. They cost $5,000 to adopt and the counselor told me "Paint your nursery- when can you come get him?" because they're in FOSTER CARE. We could have as many of those as we like because all those 'LOTS of couples who would LOVE to adopt' don't want them. They want white and perfect. Like themselves.

If Ward hadn't gotten sick, our house would be full. And they would be loved. If you personally are not willing to step up and embrace into your home and family at least half a dozen of these Category B babies, how dare you blithely assume someone else will.

How dare you dismiss the agony of a woman who knows damn well that she cannot take care of her child AND that if she does in fact give birth and give them up 'for adoption' she is sending them straight into an already-overloaded and under-supervised foster care system.

"As a Christian I cannot condone the killing of babies- that's against my beliefs because I just love little humans so much- they're all made in God's image, ya'll"


Ab fab. Then you're also going to fight just as hard for things like medicaid, aid to families with dependent children, school lunch programs, FREE health care, MORE funds for public schools- all those social safety nets (you usually refer to them as 'the welfare') that those little humans will need once they are post-born, right? Because if you take away the option of abortion with one hand because it's killing babies and then take away every social safety net that WILL be needed by that mother and child once he/she is born with the other hand I cannot adequately express my complete and utter contempt for you.

And I'm generally pretty gifted at that.

I'm not a man-hating baby-despising old shriveled up shrew, and I'm not pro-abortion. But I know that 99% of the women who choose this LEGAL option do not do so lightly and for NOW it's as it should be- a decision reached between a woman, her health care provider and her god if she claims one.

These women do not need politicians to be their obstetricians.

They do not need the Christian charity version of hatred and punishment.

I've only had my toe in the waters of despair most of these women swim in with their head pushed under over and over again- no money, no support, no family, no options.

No way out.

And right now in history? With unemployment so high while all the social programs are being cut to balance state and federal budgets? Families are stretched to breaking more and more and NOW you want to take this option away as well?

How dare you.

Right here are the moccasins those women wear- try 'em on. Don't even have to walk a mile... just try 'em on.

Do you feel scared? Helpless? Desperate? Worthless? Overwhelmed?

I was damn lucky. I was never so cornered that I'dve considered abortion if faced with an unexpected pregnancy.

But I absolutely will not sit in judgment of another (that's God's job, remember?), and I aim to fight to keep abortion a SAFE and LEGAL viable option for women who have precious few of those.

Because 'just' making it illegal or difficult to obtain will not magically make it go away.

See "War on Drugs" for reference.