Things That Make My Head Explode

"STOP SHOVING YOUR AGENDA AND LIFESTYLE DOWN OUR THROATS!!!"

You hear that a lot from the Right. Like, every time something comes up that doesn't color exactly within the lines of what they consider 'the right way of thinking about shit'.

Lets take abortion. People like me think that it's a personal decision between a woman and whoever SHE wants involved in making it- family, doctor, God, no one...HER choice. Beyond that, it's a legal medical procedure so no matter what we personally think about it...it's none of our damn business. If somehow pro-choice were really pro-abortion and being 'shoved down the throats' of those opposed to it, we pro-choicers would be pushing for every pregnancy to end in abortion. Every one.

But we're not. Because we're pro-CHOICE.

How about gay marriage? If you are in a committed relationship with someone and desire to have the legal and social benefits that marriage provides, that's your choice and none of our damn business. If somehow pro-gay marriage people were really into 'shoving that gay agenda down everyone's throats' we would insist that everyone marry someone of their own sex. Everyone.

But we don't. Because we want marriage equality,not something narrowly defined by a twisted interpretation of the Christian bible...since there are many definitions of marriage in that self-same bible including how many concubines you can have and the forced marriage of a widow to her brother-in-law. Also some neat ways you can marry slaves and the women you rape.

And about that Bible.

Until the Commie Scare of the '50's, there was no "In God We Trust" anywhere and "Under God" wasn't in our pledge. Before that the money said "E Pluribus Unum" and the pledge went "One nation indivisible". So we went from "Out of many, one" to "One True God" and from "we may be many different people but we are united" to "the Christian God rules this joint!"

Freedom of religion also means freedom FROM religion if you so choose, because we are not a theocracy and there's NO WAY any god of any religion should figure prominently because we do not have a National Religion. Let that sink in for a sec and then segway to the many fundamentals on the Right who are screaming for America to 'turn back to God' and the insistence that we twist our laws around their bible. Exactly who is destroying the Constitution?

So lets think about this for just a second.

Exactly which 'side' is shoving their agenda on everyone else while hollering about PERSECUTION and the KILLING OF AMERICA?

Which 'side' is clamping down on the freedoms of others in order to force them to conform to their narrow view of right/wrong?

Hint. It ain't the Left.

Rest In Peace, Marlisse and Family

So they're finally letting that poor woman die in peace. The pregnant one. The one who would've died weeks ago if not for the fact that she was pregnant and the pro-lifers all had a big ol' snit fit because THE BABY!!!

First of all 'the baby' was 14 weeks from being an egg and a cell at the time of the mother's collapse from an embolism. There's no way he/she would've survived outside the mother.

Now, at 23 weeks, tests have determined that the baby has grave deformities- lower extremities, heart, water on the brain...and would not survive to term.

This wasn't a case of the family hoping beyond hope that 'a miracle' would happen and Marlisse (the mother) would suddenly get better...from being brain dead. The family wanted her removed from life support weeks ago. The family had to hire an attorney to fight for their right to do what Marlisse and her husband had talked about if either one of them were in a state of non-viability- a death that's quick and dignified.

The Pro-Lifers decided they wanted none of that and denied the Munoz family any control over their own lives.

Here's my question to you, Pro-Lifers-

Ya'll are also generally very anti-government intrusion- you want to be left alone and FREE to make your own individual choices. Does something about this scenario not smack of the very opposite of that to you? Anything? Seriously?

Also- I have had actual conversations with pro-lifers and asked, "What if your daughter were pregnant and for whatever reason it was determined that unless her pregnancy were terminated she would DIE? Whose life would you choose?"

Without pause, they answer that they would pray about it with their daughter but they would LET GOD DECIDE.

Really.

Seems to me that God decided two months ago that Marlisse and her unborn baby should be in heaven.

And you assholes decided you knew better.

Shame on you. May your God have mercy on your souls.

Because I don't.

http://www.star-telegram.com/2014/01/25/5513457/hospital-discussing-future-of.html?storylink=addthis#.UuV0uU1FksU.facebook&rh=1

How Dare You

Let me just start out by saying I'm not a man-hating baby-despising old shriveled up shrew.

I love men- I've been married three times. And I adore babies- I grew three of 'em right inside me. I've felt the kicking, seen the little footie outline on my tummy, pushed 'em out and held them close.

So I'm not anti-baby and I sure as hell am not pro-abortion. Actually, as I've stated before (loudly and often) NO ONE Is pro-abortion. I don't know of a single person anywhere who looks at abortion in a positive light. But most of us are pro-CHOICE.

Yes, there is too a difference. Sorta like the FACT that we are NOT a Christian nation; we are a nation peopled by a Christian majority. The Christian religion? NOT A NATIONAL RELIGION. Ergo there should be NO laws written specifically to conform to the Christian bible. Just like there should be no laws written to fit the Koran (SHARIA LAW, ya'll! RUN!!!). Get it?

But here in the Land of Individual Freedom and Responsibility, some people think that it's A-OK to determine what certain humans (like female ones) may and may not do with their own bodies.

I know, I know, I know-

"But it's a BABY! How can you KILL a BABY???"

I never had to consider it.

I've been damn lucky, and I know it.

My babies were conceived when I had family support, friend support, financial support. I was mentally ready and physically healthy.

But I've also had times in my life when I was married to an alcoholic abusive criminal. When I was newly in a different state and living in a trailer park. When I seriously considered living in my car. When the only health care I could afford was Planned Parenthood (and it was damn good health care, too. And not ONCE did they tell me all about their super-fun abortion services.)

Many women are stuck in these dismal situations. Stuck financially and mentally for many reasons.

I'm no better than any of them and I absolutely cannot sit in judgment. I will not sit in judgment.

But it's so fucking easy.

"They're just being selfish- if they didn't want to have a child, they shouldn't have had sex".


Yep. That 13 year old being raped on a regular basis by her step-father is being SO selfish. That young woman married to an abusive asshole and threatened with death if she leaves is being SO irresponsible. How dare you sit in judgment of them.

"The adult thing to do is to woman up to the consequences of your actions, have the baby and put it up for adoption- there are LOTS of couples who would LOVE to adopt!"


Here's a little personal fact-filled story for you.

Years ago before Ward got sick, we looked into adoption. We were told there are 2 categories of babies available for domestic adoption.

Category A babies are white. They have full family health histories. They cost about $35,000 to adopt after a 3-5 year wait. We couldn't even get on that list because we were over 40, already had a natural child and we weren't CHRISTIAN.

Ahh, but the Category B babies.

Those are mixed heritage or all-minority. There may or may not be a history of substance abuse on the part of the mother. There may or may not be a health history depending on if the mother knew who the father is. They cost $5,000 to adopt and the counselor told me "Paint your nursery- when can you come get him?" because they're in FOSTER CARE. We could have as many of those as we like because all those 'LOTS of couples who would LOVE to adopt' don't want them. They want white and perfect. Like themselves.

If Ward hadn't gotten sick, our house would be full. And they would be loved. If you personally are not willing to step up and embrace into your home and family at least half a dozen of these Category B babies, how dare you blithely assume someone else will.

How dare you dismiss the agony of a woman who knows damn well that she cannot take care of her child AND that if she does in fact give birth and give them up 'for adoption' she is sending them straight into an already-overloaded and under-supervised foster care system.

"As a Christian I cannot condone the killing of babies- that's against my beliefs because I just love little humans so much- they're all made in God's image, ya'll"


Ab fab. Then you're also going to fight just as hard for things like medicaid, aid to families with dependent children, school lunch programs, FREE health care, MORE funds for public schools- all those social safety nets (you usually refer to them as 'the welfare') that those little humans will need once they are post-born, right? Because if you take away the option of abortion with one hand because it's killing babies and then take away every social safety net that WILL be needed by that mother and child once he/she is born with the other hand I cannot adequately express my complete and utter contempt for you.

And I'm generally pretty gifted at that.

I'm not a man-hating baby-despising old shriveled up shrew, and I'm not pro-abortion. But I know that 99% of the women who choose this LEGAL option do not do so lightly and for NOW it's as it should be- a decision reached between a woman, her health care provider and her god if she claims one.

These women do not need politicians to be their obstetricians.

They do not need the Christian charity version of hatred and punishment.

I've only had my toe in the waters of despair most of these women swim in with their head pushed under over and over again- no money, no support, no family, no options.

No way out.

And right now in history? With unemployment so high while all the social programs are being cut to balance state and federal budgets? Families are stretched to breaking more and more and NOW you want to take this option away as well?

How dare you.

Right here are the moccasins those women wear- try 'em on. Don't even have to walk a mile... just try 'em on.

Do you feel scared? Helpless? Desperate? Worthless? Overwhelmed?

I was damn lucky. I was never so cornered that I'dve considered abortion if faced with an unexpected pregnancy.

But I absolutely will not sit in judgment of another (that's God's job, remember?), and I aim to fight to keep abortion a SAFE and LEGAL viable option for women who have precious few of those.

Because 'just' making it illegal or difficult to obtain will not magically make it go away.

See "War on Drugs" for reference.

And the Little Demons Danced With Joy

The figures are out and the outrage is huge.

Planned Parenthood's end of year report for 2009 stated that 3% of their services were abortions.

For 2010 it was 11%. And the outrage is huge.

The outrage is, of course aimed at Planned Parenthood and is of the "SEE? We KNEW they were all about abortions! BURN 'EM DOWN!!! EVIL EVIL EVIL!!!" variety.

Apparently the belief in the Land of Outrage is that Planned Parenthood laughs and dances every time an abortion is performed- perhaps there's even a little tote board where they keep track and give extra bonuses for the most babies killed.

I think it's an outrage too. But for different reasons.

See, I believe that the rise in abortions is NOT due to slick marketing on the part of Planned Parenthood- some sort of "Have an abortion today- ALL the cool kids are doing it" ad campaign.

I think the reasons are much less glamorous.

Like perhaps the fact that many more Americans have slipped below the poverty line.

Many more Americans are without jobs.

And homes.

I think (and I know this is just CRAZY TALK when compared to the "dead baby tote board" theory above) that there are so many more women who are without options, without support and without anywhere to turn that they are being forced into this horrible corner- many with children they already can't feed, or clothe, or even provide a roof for.

"Well, they could just ask for help- walk into a church and ask for help".

I know there are still unwed mother's homes. Will they take an entire family? Will they find loving adoptive homes for babies that may be minority, or mixed, or not perfect for lack of pre-natal care?

Are there enough foster homes?

I know the food pantries are begging for help- people who in the past were regular donors are now needy recipients. With so many more families in trouble where are all the homes for these new babies?

Last year I wrote about abortion- my point being that no one is PRO-abortion. No one. It's a heart-wrenching decision for a woman already in a corner and with damn few options.

This year saw a hell of a lot more women without.

The reason for the upswing in abortions performed has nothing to do with the evils of Planned Parenthood and everything to do with a society that's floundering and sinking- and continuing to pull the social safety nets out from under the victims is not going to do anything but make things worse.

THIS is what happens when there are no jobs because the corporations must be protected, when there are families being foreclosed on because the banks must be protected and when there are massive spending cuts to schools and health care and food and housing assistance because the budget must be protected.

THIS is what happens in a "share the sacrifice" atmosphere where the only ones being sacrificed are the weak and powerless.

It's not Planned Parenthood's fault. Turn the numbers around and notice that 89% of what they do is preventive medicine, testing, providing basic affordable health care to those who have nowhere else to get it.

It's not the women's fault for having nothing and no one, for living lives of despair that consist of one hard choice after another day after day.

It's a societal ill that has nothing to do with lack of Jesus or the bible. It's as easy and as difficult as making sure people are fed, and clothed, and housed and cared for- given the dignity that comes (or should come) with being human.

You can't fix oppression by being more oppressive.

But by god and by gum, those pro-lifers will die trying.

It Ain't As Easy As It Looks From the Pulpit

Since the Republicans who rode the "We hear you, America and will make jobs for the jobless our top priority" bandwagon back into office have decided that the best way to make jobs is to repeal healthcare, outlaw abortions and make damn sure Those Gays never get to marry, I have a few things I'd like to say on the subject of Planned Parenthood, since it seems that's front and foremost on the chopping block of moral vengeance.

Here's the thing.

Planned Parenthood does not = Abortions R Us.

I know, I know- that's not what FOX News says.

But I've been a patient at Planned Parenthood- from the ages of 15-20 and 35-45 during times I had no insurance to cover reproductive health. Fifteen years of Planned Parenthood and not ONCE was I offered an abortion. Not ONCE did the personnel say "Honey, here's a year's worth of pills- if they don't work you just come on back in and we'll fix you up good as new".

Because that's not mainly what they do.

Here's what happens at Planned Parenthood.

You call for an appointment. Just like the doctor.

The office is clean and professional. Just like the doctor.

They take your vitals, do a complete physical exam, pap smear, bloodwork and urinalysis. Just like the doctor.

They ask if you have any questions, concerns, need any counseling for anything or problems. Just like the doctor.

You're asked about your income and they use a sliding scale to figure out what you'll pay for your visit- my total cost for the above services plus a year's worth of birth control pills was about $50. Which is decidedly NOT like the doctor.

If there hadn't been Planned Parenthood available to me, I would not have received ANY routine health care during a large portion of my adult years, and a great many women use it as exactly that- the only health care they can afford. And until we here in the US of A have a single payer option for universal health care, that's not going to change

but that's a whole nuther kettle of worms.

My POINT is that to attack and de-fund Planned Parenthood does not simply mean an attack and de-funding on abortion. It means yanking the only available affordable SAFE care a lot of women have away from them.

Women like me.

I hate to muddy up the whole Right vs. Wrong Black vs. White waters, but here's what I want you to think about for just a minute.

Say you're a 15 year old girl. You go to church every Sunday and your parents raised you strictly but lovingly.

Although you are taught that compassion, forgiveness and love are the basis of your religion and family, you see the actions of your church differently- anyone not toeing the line of morality is not looked upon kindly and frankly not welcome anymore. And your parents agree with that. Because those who don't follow the Word of God when they know otherwise are willful sinners and should not be associated with.

You and your boyfriend get a little carried away, because yanno, you're HUMAN and all. He didn't have a condom and you weren't prepared because if you were so armed, you'd be PLANNING on sinning.

You miss your period. Then another one. Your body tells you things you don't want to hear.

You're scared stiff and when you're alone you spend a lot of time crying and throwing up.

Things your parents have said about other girls "who got into trouble" play over and over in your head- they were sinners, they're going to hell, how could they be so Godless and selfish? How could they bring such SHAME into their family?

You clearly can NOT go to your parents.

Things you've heard thundering out of the pulpit play over and over in your head- the wages of Sin are Death, only the Pure will enter the Kingdom of God, giving into the Pleasures of the Flesh is Evil.

You clearly can NOT go to your pastor.

Every vestige of a support system is unavailable to you when you most need it. You simply cannot endure the anger and disappointment that will show in your parents' eyes, the disapproval and judgment in the eyes of your pastor and the rest of the congregation.

You go to Planned Parenthood and tearfully tell them that no- you cannot have this baby- no one would understand. And you mourn that baby for your entire life.

The End.

What purpose does closing Planned Parenthood serve, what purpose the acres of little white crosses and picketing and harrassing patients and caregivers?

When what NEEDS to be changed is our society- until ALL women have options and support, until they KNOW they have options and support, until young girls grow up seeing those around them literally practicing what they preach and not saying one thing and doing another- not advocating love and submission to God's will and then judging others without knowing their hearts. These are the changes that need to be made, not closing clinics or vilifying women who are very very aware of what they are doing and whose hearts are breaking just fine without your help thank you very much.

The girl in the story- are you angry at her? At the clinic?

Then you don't get it.

And may your God have more mercy on your soul than you have for others.

Explaining the Concept of "Opposite" To a World That Loves a Catchy Slogan

Let me start out by warning my readers that the subject matter of this piece is abortion.

Let me further add that my own views on this subject have changed over the years, since I seem to have been one of those people who was very rigid and conservative in what outwardly appeared to be my wild youth and young adulthood, and am now an old frumpy wrinkled hippiechick who sees the world as varying shades of gray even though (I don't think) it has anything to do with developing cataracts.

Finally, this is not going to touch graphically on the actual subject matter, but on how it's presented for public consumption- the wording of the polarized opinions and the semantics of attacking the opposition.

Now that I have effectively lost my entire audience to either distaste or boredom...

Here's what I don't understand.

Pro-Life is not the opposite of Pro-Choice.

By the very definition of "opposite", the opposite of Pro-Life is Anti-Life, which would be Pro-Death.

Everyone is Pro-Life. We're every one of us Pro-Life and Anti-Death. It comes from being human and presently locked into mortal bodies. The Pro-Lifers explain that what they mean is that they are Anti-Abortion.

That's great. EVERYONE is Anti-Abortion, the opposite of THAT being Pro-Abortion, and even the Pro-Choice crowd is not Pro-Abortion. I don't know of a single woman who would choose abortion as their birth-control of choice, or a doctor who lightly performs the procedure. I have been told (by a man- not to discount the tale) that "I know a woman who doesn't use birth control and just aborts- she's had like seven of them". If that's true, she's a real exception to the rule of being human and not really "mother material" in my mind anyway.

Now, the opposite of Pro-Choice would be Anti-Choice.

(Inserting here that typing the words "Anti-Choice" and having them stare back at me in black and white gave me both the heebie jeebies and a panic attack).

Anti-Choice.

The opposite of Anti-Choice would be Pro-Despair, Pro-Entrapment, Pro-Domination.

The opposite of Anti-Choice would be Pro-Death on many levels both spiritual and physical.

Because Choice = Free Will.

The free will to choose which path you take, what to have for breakfast, which god to worship, and whether or not to call in sick just because it's a beauty day outside.

I cannot fathom being so backed against the wall financially and emotionally that the only choice I feel I can make is one that a large portion of Moral Society will condemn me for.

That the Pro-Life/Anti-Choice crowd largely consists of a group of people who believe in the God of Free Will has always seemed incredibly incredible to me.

I understand being committed to protecting life, but realistically, the choice offered- have your baby and put him/her up for adoption- is unrealistic.

Here's why.

My husband and I spent several years looking into adoption after surgery rendered me incapable of having more children. It was very discouraging.

We didn't want to do an international adoption- our premise being that there are plenty of children right here who need a home.

A lot of agencies dismissed us outright because we couldn't give them the name of our Church Home and references from a pastor.

A lot of agencies dismissed us outright because of our ages (we were both over 40) and the fact that we already have biological children.

One agency said they'd be happy to work with us- and even encouraged us to apply- our ages were no problem, our family size was no problem, and they added the happy fact that the one program we were eligible for (Program C) was very budget-friendly as well- around $5,000- most of that tax-deductible- instead of the $20,000-$30,000 cost of adopting a Program A or B baby.

I asked about waiting time- Programs A and B had waiting times of one to four YEARS. I was told "Honey- get your home inspection done and as soon as it's signed, paint your nursery because your baby will be on his way home".

What was the difference?

Programs A and B are newborn Caucasian babies.

Program C babies are "hard to place"- mixed heritage, non-Caucasian, mothers with dubious drug records, un-known fathers. The fact that we would prefer a boy was an added extra- across the board in all races and programs, adoptive families prefer to adopt girls over boys. I don't know why. To me, boys are ALOT easier to raise.

Ward's health issues have precluded, overshadowed and put on hold our plans to adopt, but that doesn't change the fact that all those Pro-Lifers are NOT lining up to adopt babies who are born into bad situations and of questionable heritage.

The fact is that many of those Program C babies will be headed into an already over-flowing foster care system- and as a MOTHER, I would not want that for my CHILD- to be blown off into the wind like a dandelion seed- with no secure future, no assurance of safety or love or stability.

Once Ward's better, and we're able, we'll be adopting as many of those Program C baby boys as we can- because everyone deserves a family and a home, and they are welcome in OUR family and in OUR home.

My wish, nay, my non-church-homed prayer is for there one day to be no difference between Pro-Life and Pro-Choice- that those who are truly Pro-Life will step up and afford REAL choice to those who so badly need it, instead of pushing them farther back against the wall with vague intimations of "well- you have a choice- put your child up for adoption"- to be there with open arms for both baby and mother for real and concretely.

To look an actual suffering mother in the eyes and say "I will love and care for your child. I will personally make sure he's OK".