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photo by Sheri Dixon

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I Want You To Know

I want you to know
You're not alone
No matter what you feel
What you fear
What you think
You're not the first
Or the only
To feel, fear and think
Exactly the same way

I want you to know
You're not a freak
Unless you consider
That everyone is

Normalcy is a fallacy
Concocted for comfort
A paper-thin veneer of smugness
That every
Single
Freakish
Human
Quakes behind

I want you to know
That while things can certainly get worse
Than they are right now
They can just as easily get better
Than they are right now

I want you to remember
You'll only know how the story ends
When you turn every page
Don't quit in the middle
Read every single word
Even the scary parts
Even the sad parts
Even the lonely parts
Because those parts make
"And they all lived Happily Ever After"
That much sweeter

I want you to know
That for every
Rat bastard weasel
Who thinks they're big
And strong
And clever
When they make you feel small
And weak
And stupid
There are a hundred people
Who will love you
Just the way you are

I want so desperately for you to know
That no matter what
No matter WHAT happens
Ever
Nothing is worth
Closing the book on your life
Nothing personal
Nothing monetary

Nothing

I want you to know it deep in your soul
Believe it with all your heart
Breathe it through your body
Live it every day of your life

Live
Every day of your life

I want you to know
Even when it seems the only control you have
Over your life
Is when it ends
And how it ends
That that's never the answer
The cure
The relief
That you're seeking
It would just be The End

In the middle of the story

I want you to know that
The other characters in the book of your life
Would never
Ever
Recover from that

I want you to know
And hold close to your heart
Even in the darkest moment
That you are worthwhile
You are valuable
You are loved

***For my children, my friends, my family. I love you all, and just wanted you to know.

Dedicated to Larry- who missed one of the most gloriously warm and sunny days ever to grace this planet- because he shot himself in the head the day before.

3 comments:

  1. What a beautiful, beautiful heart-felt, heart-wrenching post. There are too many Larrys in the world...I hope this helps one of them.

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  2. Thanks- Larry was a co-worker's husband. A sweet gentle man who had coffee with his wife, made plans to go to a movie after work, kissed her goodbye and stood in the bathtub so as to not make too big a mess from spattering his brains out. He left a wife and 2 sons who will always wonder what they could've/should've done or seen to prevent it.

    So many people, young and old, straight and gay, outwardly functional while inwardly tortured- what we say and do and how we act towards our fellow humans HAS impact- for better or worse.

    It takes no more thought to be kind rather than cruel. In fact it sometimes takes more courage and fortitude.

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  3. Thank you for this powerful message! :) <3

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