What Makes a Marriage, and a Family?

Seems like a pretty easy question, doesn't it?

All the story books we read growing up had mommy bear, daddy bear and a little bear or three. All the television shows had a mommy actress, a daddy actor and little weird future messed up baby actors and actresses.

But life, real life in this time in history, is generally not quite so neat.

I myself have 3 marriages under my belt- one lasting 14 years, one lasting 2 years, and this LAST one (I promise) lasting 15 years so far. There are 2 offspring from the first marriage and one from this one.

My husband was married once before, no kids.

I've discussed the merits of choosing family over that sketchy potluck we're sometimes dealt, and writing that diatribe (hey- we were in Houston and under stress and duress- Mommy's version of Going Postal is to actually Go Post about shit).

And I had a hell of a time thinking of any "normal" families that we know and hang around with. Those "one man/one woman/2.something children from that one particular mixing of genetic material" families.

We know Blended Families- those where mom and dad both have kids from previous marriages- kinda like the Bradys, but no one we know has an Alice.

We know Large Families- with more than three children (heaven help 'em).

We know Multi-Generational Families- people raising their own kids AND their grandkid(s) and/or simultaneously caring for aging parents.

We know Bi-Racial Families.

We know Single Parent Families.

We know Childless Couples.

We know Same Gender Couples and Families.

And people and society generally support and don't have issues with all but the last group. Those are the ones who can't get the validation of their commitment to each other with a marriage certificate and that's ridiculous.

"But Wait- The definition of marriage is one man/one woman and the institution of marriage is to offer security for the raising of children. Gay people can't have children "the Normal Way" so gay people cant' be married."

Ah.

So, old people in nursing homes can't get married since they are beyond childbearing age?

Paraplegic, quadriplegic, any other handicapped person whose "parts" don't work can't get married?

What about ME? I've had to have all my "parts" surgically removed- can't have kids anymore- shall Ward and I get divorced because our marriage isn't valid?

See? Ridiculous.

A family is any unit of people who love each other, who care about each other more than themselves and who will be there for each other no matter what.

To say that marriage is a sacred bond between one man/one woman clearly ignores the fact that there are huge numbers of one man/one woman marriages that are miserable, awful and downright deadly dangerous for the participants.

To fully respect the sanctity of marriage is to denounce any marriage that fosters resentment, neglect or abuse- no matter the gender of those involved, and to embrace the spiritual (and physical) union of people who are truly committed to love and encourage each other- no matter the gender of those involved.

Heterosexual marriages that are recognized by church and state and are violent, undermining or otherwise horrifyingly dysfunctional are everywhere- in every neighborhood, community, church. Those unions are NOT glorifying God, Country or the Precious Institution of Marital Bliss.

If our gay friends who love each other with kindness and respect are allowed the validation of a marriage certificate, that not only doesn't cheapen the value of my own heterosexual marriage- it makes the concept of marriage that much more meaningful and crystallizes what it really (should) mean.

Think. Reflect. Watch. Buy the T-shirt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEpQ8fFQ7Rk

the Laramie Project- Too Close For Comfort?

The Laramie Project is set to be staged in Tyler Texas- the closest "big city" to us, the city where I work.

I'm excited about it- as a theater lover from Way Back, it's the first thing I'd like to see (other than the childrens production pirate play my 6 year old was in) that the Tyler Civic Theater has put on in the almost 16 years I've lived here.

In my former lives I've been an actress in high school, seen productions in Milwaukee and Chicago, and held season tickets to the Theater Guild in Racine Wisconsin, so I was thrilled to see something "out of the ordinary" being offered here in admittedly conservative East Texas.

Here. Take a look-

http://www.tylercivictheatre.com/laramie_project.html

Alas, my joy was short-lived.

http://www.advocate.com/News/Daily_News/2010/04/13/Will_Texas_Theater_Cancel_The_Laramie_Project_/

Seriously? THREE whole people objected to the subject matter and they were going to tank the whole production?

I love East Texas. It's fabulously beautiful and for the most part, the people are wonderful. I tell folks that it's the Shiny Buckle of the Bible Belt and that's true. I tell folks that around here your choice of religion is Baptist, Baptist, Methodist and Baptist and that's true.

The Shiny Buckle Baptists and Methodists I'm proud to call my friends are Christians as Christ meant them to be and I love each and every one of them.

It's The Others I take issue with- those who take it upon themselves to not only Spread the Word, but who zealously Act as Judges (and Executioners if they feel that's called for).

Like this guy-

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Theres-a-whole-lot-of-demon-going-on/375099533426?ref=ts

I'd like to think that these folks are the minority, but like the Tea Party, Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck they are also a very vocal minority- wielding power imagined or monetary, and hollering to wake the dead in order to get their own way- to fit the entire planet into the suffocating straitjacket that is their reality of What God Wants.

So it was distressing to me that THREE people could have this effect on an entire community along with coloring the reputation of that same community to the rest of the world.

Is it "just" the subject matter that is the problem?

Or could THIS have anything to do with it?

http://www.nytimes.com/1993/12/27/us/killing-of-a-gay-resident-stirs-activism-in-an-east-texas-town.html?pagewanted=1

That's the most publicized case. I can think of two others since then that were 'suspected' homosexual hate crime murders.

Is The Laramie Project and the story it tells too close for comfort? Because for all intents and purposes, in 1993, Tyler WAS Laramie. In many ways, Tyler IS Laramie.

And if that's the case, Tyler needs The Laramie Project even more than other cities- needs it to learn, to reflect and grow in a good way- a way that does NOT produce young people who feel it their God Given Command to hate, even kill, someone based on sexual preference.

Needs it like a tent revival on the banks of the Neches GOOD GAWD can I get an AMEN?

Time for the people of East Texas to make a stand. I'll be standing in line to buy my ticket- to make a stand for kindness over hatred, education over ignorance.

Follow and support the Laramie Project Tyler at

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/The-Laramie-Project-Tyler-Civic-Theatre/110722015613797?v=wall&ref=ts