Once Upon a Time...

"And they lived happily ever after".

Even a five year old knows that's not really the end of the story- it's just the end of the part they're going to hear because it's bedtime.

It's the end of the part you're going to read in a book because the author is "written out" and things have pretty well come together at that spot.

In any life, in any family history in the making, Happily Ever After is actually just the end of a phase and the pause before another.

And so it is with us, as with everyone.

Our last decade or so was filled with things fabulously wonderful and hideously awful, but I marked the end of an era for us when we built and moved into this house that's been so elusive for so many years, got yet another "all clear" for Ward's scans, and came home to a house still standing- I'd pushed so hard to get it built and get us moved, then worried about the scans with an "other shoe" paranoia.

We came home, entered our new house and I clung to my cancer-free husband and melted into an armload of tears.

"And they lived happily ever after".

Of course we did.

It's still life, and there are still daily frustrations and money constraints- I don't know if we'd know what to do if we ever had money at the end of the month instead of miles of month without money. Things that were supposed to work out easier after this move haven't, but that's life. It's the way things go. Everyone's life is that way.

That's why it's so important to have that moment (or moments) of validation each day- to keep from despair, to recharge the batteries, to stare full in the face of what's really important because a lot of the time that's the quiet un-assuming stuff and we're surrounded always by a constant bombardment of superfluous bullshit.

Some people pray.

Some people meditate.

Some people count to 10. Or a million.

I have a bridge.



The bridge crosses the creek and connects the house part of the land to the barn part of the land. It's the first thing that was officially built here when we started this life-altering project.

The bridge, to me- is magical.

Any bridge really is, if you think about it- a structure without feet, suspended in the air between two solids. Water below, air around and above.

Twice a day we feed the animals. Twice a day Ward and I cross the bridge and twice a day we cross back.

And that's when I have my "moment".

I stop mid-bridge and turn to Ward. Give him a quick 3 kisses and while hugging him ask "Hey, Gomez- guess what?" Obediently he asks in reply "What?"

I smile and say "We live here now".

Right there, right then, standing in mid-air with my Knight in Shining Armor is my affirmation- all the other stuff, the daily head-bangers and hair-pullers? Piffle.

We live here now. With each other.

Happily Ever After.

And Just Like That...

...three good things in a row.

Three REALLY good things in a row.

Our banker gave us the thumbs-up to go ahead and build our little cabin on our land- something that's been on hold pending the sale of our current house that's been for sale for FIVE YEARS- right after we bought our 'we could live here forever' land 3 miles from where we are now. And while it would be better to have our current house sold before building, our debt to income ratio INCLUDING both house payments (old house plus new yet-to-be-built house) was only off by 3 (three) points. That 3 points, coupled with the 2 (two) points our credit score was lacking were all that's been holding this project up, and bless his heart, our banker shook my hand and told me that they'll do it in-house because we've been good customers for over 15 years and it's just time for us to do this.

And the benefit is that we get to build the new place, move stuff over there that we KNOW we want to keep, sort thru the rest here at the old place, have a big honkin' yard sale, and donate/dumpster the rest without any "live in an apartment/store all our stuff" phase that new-home construction after a house sale generally entails. Which is good, because I truly don't think either Ward or I could survive that mess.

We may have buyers for our current house, and they are not in a hurry to move out of their old house, which would afford us to do exactly the above scenario, then transition smoothly (two words that are rarely found next to each other in our family conversations for most of the last decade) into selling this house.

On our way to dinner with the above folks, the doctor at MDAnderson called to give us the results of Ward's recent scans- All Clear. No cancer there, they'll see us in 4 months for the next scans. That. That right there, was the Other Shoe I was mortally afraid of having not just dropped, but slammed up against our heads in the wake of the Loan Approval/Pending Buyers One-Two that we'd received earlier.

And it didn't happen.

The Good kept coming.

We met our neighbors at the restaurant and I told them the Three Good Things. They grinned from ear to ear and asked me "Can you stand so much good news all at once?"

I told them that quite frankly it scared the shit outta me.

Dot looked at me and said "Just GO with it".

And I'm trying. I'm taking deep breath after deep breath and each one clears a few more moldy cobwebs from my lungs, from my heart.

Maybe it's finally Over. Maybe that almost 6 weeks in Houston filled with fear and terror and sheer relentless hell were the Final Tidal Wave of the 8 years that started with "It's just a little skin cancer", and my family has finally landed tattered, worn, twitchy but still firmly intact into the Calmer Safe Harbor of the Sea of Life.

Ward poked Alec and said "Look at your mom, son".

Alec, a little startled, whispered "What's wrong with her?"

Ward said "Nothing son- she's smiling".

And I am.