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photo by Sheri Dixon

Monday, October 27, 2014

Three Little Words

There are three words that rule the universe, have the power to heal, to mend, to open doors and minds, that empower both the person uttering them as well as those within earshot.

Three little words.

"I was wrong."

"I was wrong" signals both an ending and a beginning. The end of stubbornness, selfishness, ego. The beginning of listening, empathy, growth.

"I was wrong" tells your partner you don't NEED to win every disagreement- you are a partnership and are vested in fairness, equality and love above any petty desire to be 'the one who knows better than'.

"I was wrong- please forgive me."

"I was wrong- lets do it your way."

"I was wrong- I love you."

"I was wrong tells your children that you are, in fact, only human and that they are, in fact truly human.

"I was wrong- please forgive me."

"I was wrong- lets do it your way."

"I was wrong- I love you."

"I was wrong" tells your co-workers or employees or boss that you're not perfect. And yanno what? No one really expects you to be.

"I was wrong- lets do it your way."

"I was wrong- help me figure out a better way to do this."

"I was wrong- and here's how I'm going to fix it."

"I was wrong" is the hardest (for me, anyway) when I'm faced with someone I don't usually agree with, maybe don't like very much, and who pretty much stands for everything I hate ideologically. But no ideology or practitioner of same is infallible. Not all my staunch beliefs can stand up under scrutiny. Because that's life. Things we are 'sure' we know turn upside down all the time.

When my first child was born, I was admonished to put her on her tummy to sleep- if she was on her back and she urped up, she'd drown in her urp and die.

When my second child was born, I was told to put him on his back to sleep- if he was on his tummy and got jammed into excess blankets in his crib he'd suffocate and die.

When my third child was born, I just laid him on his side and told him 'good luck'.

So stuff changes. Absolutes we take for granted turn out to be more opinion than fact. And even though it's safe and warm and fuzzy inside groups who only think like we do...isn't that the same thing we chide the 'other side' for? Staying cloistered and cozy in their own little echo chambers?

So I step out. It's pretty easy because in our immediate family we have wildly varying political viewpoints so 'stepping out' means walking 50 feet to Joe's house and having a cuppa coffee. And that's made a difference- for both of us.

When you're face to face with someone, it's harder to defend your superiority.

When you can see a reaction in their face, their body posture, their eyes, it's harder to spit venom with impunity.

If it's someone you care about and respect in other aspects of your life, it's easier to listen and open that hard little center of bullheaded belief just a bit to let the light of another angle shine in.

The interwebs are a wondrous place- you can find anything to support any viewpoint you want to have, groups who think just like you do no matter what you think, and you can be anyone you want to be and as snarky and ugly as your little heart desires- pretty much without repercussions. Therefore it's really hard to have discussions of much worth that don't quickly degrade into name-calling and catch-phrase wars.

That's not helping anyone, and it's hurting us. It's hurting us to become so callous and petty and small, vicious and cold. With every angry sarcastic remark, we lose just a bit of our humanity and every chance we'd have to actually connect with the other person.

We should never look only for flaws and mistakes on 'the other side' and crow about it.

We should look twice as hard for flaws and mistakes on 'our side' and expose them, confront them, fix them. Because they're there. They're always there.

"I was wrong- lets talk about this."

"I was wrong- I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"I was wrong- lets start over."

"I was wrong..."







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