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photo by Sheri Dixon

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Campaign Reform

WAIT! Don't doze off just yet! This is brilliant...trust me!

First of all, I'd like to point out the complete idiocy of a bunch of politicians all spending billions of dollars in advertising to tell us how fiscally responsible they are and how they'll slash the wasteful spending in Washington.

I have a better idea.

Dear Hopeful Candidate-

We're doing things just a little differently this election so please pay careful attention to the new guidelines for campaign funding-

Collect campaign funds from wherever you can, but not a freaking penny is allowed to be spent on advertising, or security, or travel, or any of that falderol.

Yanno all those pretty speeches you give, saying where you'll cut spending and what departments or programs you'll put more effort into? Those things that bring a tear to your eye and a catch to your words? All those things that make America great but that are threatened by (fill in the blank with whoever you're running against's nefarious plans)?

We require more than the patriotic music, the eagle with the feathers blowing like Fabio's golden locks and the background infused with red, white and blue.

Give us your speech. Make your promises.

Then fucking do it.

All that campaign money? Spend it on what you're promising us. Show us how you'll follow through. Why wait? A True American would leap at the opportunity to make all those great changes whether or not they hold office...because it's the right thing to do.

Build hospitals, schools, roads, bridges, industrial parks, manufacturing plants, vocational training facilities, research labs...

All your pet and favorite projects? DONE.

Call the media. Stand there smiling with the ribbon-cutting shears and it'll be all over all the stations FOR FREE- showing what you have done to improve our country NOW.

Because honestly?

Once you get elected, it's a hard row to hoe to get anything done in DC. Some of you will fall prey to lobbyists and some will just fall from exhaustion and depression.

But all that stuff you built during the campaign?

Still there.

No matter what happens once you get sworn in (or go home in defeat), the Good Stuff is already working to help YOUR people, YOUR country, YOUR causes.

You want our vote?

Smooth words are easy. Any lounge lizard or car salesman knows that.

Show us what you got.

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