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photo by Sheri Dixon

Sunday, September 11, 2011

At A Loss

I didn't know
What to write
IF to write
Today.

I feel I have no right
To write about it.

I wasn't there.
None of my beloveds were there.
My personal
Touchable
World was not shattered by it.

We recieved no news
Good or bad
That would forever be
Overshadowed by it.

That morning Ward was at work.
Alec was watching Spongebob
On apparently the only channel
Not overwhelmed by...It.

The sun was shining
And I was watching
Baby goats playing
King of the Hill
Using their dad
As the hill.

Drinking coffee, calling a friend
We chatted a moment and then she said
"You don't know, do you?"

And as I turned away from the goats
And the sunshine
And turned off Spongebob

The images on the screen
Were unreal.
Unbelievable.
Unfathomable.
Inescapable.

Because in my world,
Nothing had changed.
There was still sunshine
And baby goats
And a toddler
And coffee.

And I didn't know.

I didn't know that barely a month later
My beloved mother-in-law would be gone.
Without warning,
Or fanfare.
Just like that.

I didn't know that less than a year after that
Our family would become a Cancer Family.
With the words
"Just a little skin cancer-
No problem".
Just like that.

To say one word today
About war
Or vengeance
Or politics
Or righteousness
Of any flavor
Would be obscene.

And I wouldn't dare say
To anyone truly affected by 9/11/01
"I know how you feel".

Because I can't.

The only thing I know
That they know

Is that every moment spent
With loved ones
Doing mundane things
Quiet, normal, ordinary
Human things

Is precious

And can be shattered
And taken away
In the blink of an eye.

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