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photo by Sheri Dixon

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Why Texas Is Burning Up

Fine. I admit it. It's too damn hot.

Me- who loves the heat, who lives for summer with its sweltering steaming blazing sun melting the very atmosphere into rippling waves that shimmer just above the surface of the molten earth.

The aroma of pine sap liquid inside the trees invigorates me.

Cicadas orchestrate my anthem.

One of many reasons I'm forever in love with East-Texas-as-mother-earth-made-it (which is completely different from Texas-as-politicians-make-it) is because of the long languorous summers bracketed by almost-as-long rainbow-leaved falls and riotous wildflower springs with just a smattering of "Yuk. Chilly." during the time when most of the rest of the country is in a frozen never-ending coma for months at a time.

But this...

...today marks our 41st consecutive day over 100 degrees, many of them over 105. We've been MOSTLY over 100 degrees since June 3rd.

Which would be bad enough, except we're also neck deep in the worst drought many can remember.

Global warming? Possibly.

I have, however, a much more plausible theory.

We had an unnaturally cold and wet winter. Other than the unnatural cold, it was fabulous. We came into spring ahead of the game in rain fall for the year.

Life was good.

Then there was a little shindig in Nacogdoches, back in the woods. Not unlike many backwoods shindigs except this one was attended by people like Rick Perry, Louie Gohmert, Leo Bermann, and David Barton- who all ate bbq, locked arms in the moonlight around a big ol' campfire and chanted

"NO SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE"

...and the rains stopped falling.

Now, in a novel this is where you slap your forehead and think "THINK, Ricky- Cause and Effect- something you've done has displeased the Universe" and you close the book in frustration because the character is so freakin' oblivious to the obvious.

Not to say that Ricky didn't notice the lack of rain. He just mis-read what he needed to do to make it start again.

So he called for all of Texas to hold metaphorical hands and pray. For rain. On accounta there wasn't any. Seriously, ya'll. I swear I am not shitting you. Look-

http:
//governor.state.tx.us/news/proclamation/16038/


And did it rain? Not only no, but hell no.

Now, here's where in the TV show you holler at the screen "LOUIE- SHUT UP ABOUT THE TERROR BABIES AND TACKLE RICKY TO THE GROUND BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE BAD HAPPENS!"

But of course he doesn't and you change the channel to Rachel Maddow before your eyeballs bleed.

Because once again, our characters, vociferously proclaimed Men of God all, have tragically mis-read the intent of the Heavens so no. It did not rain.

What it did do is get hot. Drought + Heat = Death.

Death to crops, to livestock to wildlife- mammoth century old trees are wilting and dying, creek beds filled with dust, birds are silent and even the bugs are still during most of the day and only the hummingbirds are active, zooming at top speed to the feeder in machine gun repetition, the heat accelerating their already crazy fast metabolism.

And Rick Perry, Man of God with the boots named Justice and Liberty, decided The Lord needed a REAL hootinanny- because the backwoods shindig and the legal proclamation hadn't been...virtuous enough. So Rick came up with something so big, so righteous, so damn TEXAN he knew even God couldn't help but be tickled pink with it.

It was this-

http://theresponseusa.com/

From the git go, there were skeptics. Because the "all-inclusive worship service" really wasn't. Unless you were Christian. And some of the sponsors were considered hate groups by anyone who cares at all about the rights of OTHER Americans like Jews, and Muslims, and Atheists and Gay people and anyone who's ever used any type of birth control. And people told Rick "Maybe this isn't such a good idea".

Rick invited all the other governors to come to his party, but 47 of the 49 thought "Maybe this isn't such a good idea", while saying "Golly I'd love to, Ricky but I'm really busy that day".

And Rick's political advisors said "Yanno, Rick- you're eyeballing the presidency and there are alot of people thinking this shebang at the stadium may be a little over the top and just might exclude and turn off a great number of Americans. Voting Americans".

So Rick backed off a bit- hemmed a bit and hawed a bit and made ambiguous statements that could mean he wasn't completely in bed with the hate group sponsors...unless you wanted him to be. (flash of white teeth, eye sparkle wink).

The forecast looked promising for the first time in over a month- where before it had said the 6 day forecast would be 107/109/108/107/108/108 it now said

107/106/105/104/103/102

Going down. As of Saturday morning it was edging down bit by bit Glory Hallelujah Praise...

Wait. What?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1NlnmJXqbA&NR=1

Oh, crap. So much for "all-inclusive". Well, maybe that's the worst of it...

Yanno when you're sitting through a horror film and the main character just won't do the sensible thing which is (depending on the movie)

DON'T LOOK OUT THE WINDOW

DON'T OPEN THE DOOR

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T GO IN THERE CAN'T YOU HEAR THE CREEPY "SOMEONE'S GOING TO GET KILLED AND IT'S GOING TO BE YOU" MUSIC???

*sigh*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kW7NpknWxGg&feature=related

Really? Dunkirk? Prayer saved the British soldiers at Dunkirk? According to an article at PoliticusUSA, this is what the history books say-

"James and Shirley Dobson portrayed America as the British army at Dunkrik in 1940, surrounded by the Nazis and needing a miracle.

Their claim is that the British army was saved by prayer. But what saved the British army was Adolf Hitler, who let the British army escape.

Actually, what the British were surrounded by was LOTS of German soldiers and tanks and planes. Immorality wasn’t a big concern for any involved. More to the point, godliness and godlessness had nothing to do with their predicament. Poor generalship and inferior equipment did."

Here's the entire article, with video-

http://www.politicususa.com/en/hypocrisy-and-lies-take-center-stage-at-the-response

By Saturday night, our 6 day forecast was back to

106/106/108/107/106/105

I blame Rick Perry.

I hear Old Testament God loves a good sacrifice...

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